Cover Your Face and Let's Pretend
by Emono
Summary: It's a modern day version of "Alice in Wonderland". Walk with Ted as he tries to fight against everyone's two biggest fears: Growing up and being alone. It's a slashy/whimsical/slightly dark twist to everyone's favorite messed-up fairytale. DISCONTINUED
1. Prologue

**Title**: Cover Your Face and Let's Pretend**  
Author**: Emono**  
Rating**: FR-13**  
Fandom**: Wrestling**  
Pairings**: Ted/Cody, Randy/Cena, Matt/Jericho, Miz/Swagger**  
Summary: **It's a modern day version of "Alice in Wonderland." Walk with Ted as he tries to fight against everyone's two biggest fears: Growing up and being alone. It's a slashy/whimsical/slightly dark twist to everyone's favorite messed-up fairytale.**  
Disclaimer**: The WWE is not mine nor are any of it's child branches, it is the 96% property of the McMahon's and God bless the bastards that work for them. I respect the sexual preferences and identities of all the wrestlers on WWE roster, and who they share a bed with is really none of my business. I don't own the story of _Alice in Wonderland_, despite the form, it's all Lewis Carroll. Though I don't think he envisioned it being used like this.**  
Warnings**: AU, fantasy, drug use, fluff, confusion, craziness, language, slightly dark shades

**AN**: So this story was inspired by one thing: My baby sister running into my room and suggesting that I combine _Alice in Wonderland_ with the WWE. At first I thought it was stupid so I laughed, then I said, "Let's make a cast list!" So I have to give her some credit for this (though she's just 11), and let her read it first. Yes, she likes slash, I've converted her from a young age.

The title is subject to change, if you can think of a better one, tell me!

* * *

Ted was a strange kid. Not really a kid, per se, but a teenager blooming into an adult. He was at the tender age of seventeen, old enough to start making his own decision but not old enough to stretch his wings. He couldn't move out, he was still stuck in high school, and he was still bound under his parents authority.

Tonight, for instance, his parents were making him attend some grand fundraiser. Ugh, he hated them. It always went the same way: He'd show up, not drink, not eat, feel awkward for hours in a tux, and his parents would parade him around like a show poodle talking 'this college' and 'that college' all while trying to make their associates jealous of a such a 'successful' son.

Pure and utter bullshit.

But that wasn't for hours. Right now…these were the times he treasured. Stretched out on his belly in the grass of his backyard, cradling a book in his palm, clad in old torn up jeans and his tattered _Southern Boys_ t-shirt. The cool breeze of the summer day hitched up, ruffling his hair and tickling the bottom of his feet. His lips curled up in a soft smile, a sigh escaping his lips as he savored the feeling. He wasn't even reading anymore, he was just avoiding life.

High school was going to end, it was about time for him to go into the real world. A world full of taxes, lies, hard work, and probably loneliness. He didn't want to face it alone, he wished he had someone to face it with him.

//But where will you find a cute boy in Mississippi willing to come out of the closet?// Ted wondered absently, shaking his head at the absurdity //It's just me.//

"Ted!"

Ted groaned, dropping his head into the crook of his arm and burying his face there.

//If I play dead, he'll go away.//

"Ted, damn it" he listened as his cousin approached, his tall shadow falling over him "Get up, you lazy thing."

"I don't wanna" Ted drawled, peering up at the ravenette.

Phil scoffed at his cousin, "Get out of the dirt. You look like a drugged out street rat."

"How many times do I have to tell ya?" Ted rolled over onto his back, glaring at his cousin "I'm not on drugs."

"Then stop acting like it" Phil snapped his gum loudly, that Straightedge superiority rolling off him in waves "Uncle Ted said to get you up and into a hot shower. You've only got a few hours to get ready before the fundraiser, and your family is expecting you to look your best."

Ted laid his forearm across his eyes, "I don't wanna go, Phil."

The tattooed man raised a brow, "Does it look like I care?"

Ted heaved a sigh, "Not…really."

"You'd be right."

Ted tossed his book aside, getting to his feet and glaring at the other, "What happens if I don't go, huh? Ya gonna box my ears? Is Daddy gonna smack me?"

"Don't push your luck, Teddy" Phil narrowed his eyes at the smaller man "You've got it so damn good here and you don't even realize it. You've got this rich, normal life and you're just throwing away all your opportunities! You don't know who you could meet there! You could make connections, form relationships you'll be using for the rest of your life!"

"Bullshit" Ted spat out "Maybe I don't wanna grow up, huh? Maybe I'm freaked out that I'm by myself?!"

"Wah-wah, keep crying emo boy" Phil scoffed "Look at me, the sad little rich boy who doesn't want to grow up. Who do you think you are? Peter Pan?"

Ted huffed, resisting the urge to stomp his foot like a child. He glanced at his house, the mansion looming over the yard like a titan. He winced, taking a step back. He turned, looking toward the woods. They were beautiful, crisp green in the summer sun and inviting. The wind picked up, rustling the leaves, a near-musical symphony echoing over the grounds.

Phil sensed the change in his cousin, "Ted, get in the house."

Ted snarled at the ravenette, "…no."

Ted made a mad dash across the grass, leaving his cousin screaming after him.

"Ted! Ted, get back here!"

**~*~*~*~**

Ted broke into the tree line, wincing as his feet met the debris of the forest but refused to stop. He could hear Phil shouting, but it got fainter as he pushed his way into the density of the woods. He dodged around the trees, grinning madly as he leaped and bounded toward a destination he wasn't sure of.

Pretty soon, Phil's voice was silent.

Ted finally stumbled to a stop, bending over at the waist and bracing his hands on his knees. He was panting thickly, feet aching and lungs raw. He smiled a bit, glad to be rid of his overbearing cousin. His whole family…it felt good to leave them behind. He happened to glance up, double-taking as he spotted a clearing. There was only one thing in the middle of it, a feathery willow tree with branches that brushed the ground. It was beautiful, a dark green laced with small white flowers.

Ted had never seen anything like it, and he briefly wondered if he was even on his property anymore. He glanced back into the woods, the way to his house looking infinite. It wouldn't be too bad if he just stayed here…hid out until nightfall. When his parents were gone, he'd sneak back into the house and lounge around. It would be a waiting period for his punishment, but it would be worth it if he didn't have to act like a show dog for hours.

Once he'd caught his breath, he stepped into the clearing. He kept on, brushing apart the willow branches until he found the very core of the tree. It was darker here, streams of sunlight barely eating through the leaves. He plopped down on the soft ground with a sigh, the grass cool against his bare feet. He eased his back against the tree, closing his eyes in relief at the feeling of peace that took over him.

The wind rustled the long, flowy branches…the symphony came back.

Ted started humming, slowly drifting off…thinking of nothing…

* * *

**I'm basing this story on the original "Through The Looking Glass" and "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland" book I have by Lewis Carroll. Also, it's largely based on the **_**Alice in Wonderland**_** movie done by Hallmark Entertainment. Go out and rent it, I think it's the best version and the most visually stunning movie. It has people like Whoopi Goldberg, Miranda Richardson, Martin Short, and that girl from **_**Napoleon Dynamite.**_** It's so good! Go find it on Amazon, it's worth more than the five bucks I spent on it.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Ted doesn't know any of these people, this is AU. We all know who they are, so I'm just going to say their names so no one gets confused. He'll learn some of them, others will just kind of be mentioned 'casually.' **

* * *

"Shit, I'm late!"

Ted's eyes fluttered open, met with an angel. A glowing white figure, beautiful and blinding. He shied away, looking back after a moment. A boy stood there, his age at most if not a little younger. He had dark hair and these piercing blue eyes, they almost glowed against his dark lashes. Light caramel skin, plump lips, high cheekbones that colored beautifully. He was gorgeous by any definition, all over even to the cute beauty mark by his eye.

The glow had come from his stark ivory t-shirt and his bleached white jeans.

The man looked up, catching Ted staring at him, "Oh…hi there."

"Uh, hey" Ted stated oh-so-cleverly "Who're you?"

The pretty boy smirked at him, flashing pearly white teeth, "For the sake of meeting…you can call me Cody."

"I'm Ted."

"I'm sure" the boy looked down at his watch again, eyes widening cutely "Damn it…I'm never going to make it."

Ted got to his feet, "Where do you need to go?"

Cody just gave him a pretty smile, "See ya, Teddy."

The boy darted through the willow branches, disappearing in their density. Panic fluttered in the blonde's heart, he didn't want the boy to leave him. He didn't want to be alone. He pushed through the branches, their ticklish leaves dancing along his skin. When he finally broke through, he was on the other side of the tree. He caught ivory flashes in the shadowed wood, he followed it obediently.

Soon enough he cleared the tree line, stumbling out into another clearing. Pale sunlight bathed this area, splotches of trees and bushes all around. He caught another glimpse of Cody darting around a tree, muttering to himself.

"Wait!" Ted called after him, hurrying up "Cody, wait up!"

The brunette didn't slow down, he ducked under a low hanging branch and disappeared past a wall of leaves. Ted grunted in frustration, but he continued on nonetheless. He all but dove past the leaves, looking around for the boy. Nothing, just a tree with a large knot-hole in it. He took a step closer, cocking his head to the side and looking in. It wasn't knot-hole as much as it was a tunnel, and among the fallen leaves and dirt he could see Cody walking in a bit of crouch further away.

The angel moved faster than anyone he'd ever seen, somewhere between floating and a scurry.

Ted smiled a bit, deciding it was worth it to go under this tree. And under the tree it was! The moment he stepped inside, the ground dipped down and he seemed to go deeper inside the earth. Roots brushed his shoulders and at his head, a ceiling of dirt over him. Bits of sunlight streamed in through some holes in the earth, an opening at the end of the tunnel indicated where Cody would've disappeared to.

Ted kept going, forgetting to be careful. The ground dipped down a bit more, then a bit more, and he couldn't stop the scream from ripping from his throat as the floor gave way beneath his feet. In a swirl of dirt and leaves, he fell down the hole. His stomach bottomed out, pure terror flooding through him as his mind raced with all the ending scenarios.

Death was the end result.

Ted snapped his mouth shut, cutting off his scream when he realized he was slowing down. He reached out for nothing, feet kicking uselessly in the air. It was like he had hit water, floating now more than falling. He looked down past his feet, not seeing the bottom. It was if he were in a dream, everything going by so slowly. He looked around, growing more confused by the moment. The dirt tunnel was now lined with half-walls, some checker patterned and some striped. Shelves were along those walls, objects floating by him.

He reached out and caught one, an Ace of clubs playing card. He flipped it through his fingers, then let it go. Stoves, chairs, cards, a fish bowl. They all went by him as if drifting in space. Though they seemed to drift by him, he wondered if they were staying still or if he was falling. Did they hover? Was he hovering? He snatched a jar as it went by, twisting off the lid. He stuck his finger inside, bringing out some of the shiny provision and licking it clean.

"Mhm, citrus" Ted glanced at the jar, seeing the label 'orange marmalade' along the side. He didn't want to drop it, for fear of killing someone beneath him, but he managed to set it on one of the shelves he floated past. He kept looking around, swinging his arms in an absent matter.

//I wonder what latitude and longitude I've got to// Ted wondered dully //I'm not really sure what longitude and latitude I was at to begin with, but it sounds intelligent to say.//

"_Long_-itude…_lat_-itude…" Ted annunciated, swinging his arms in wider circles while he leaned back "It's like the Matrix!"

His own voice echoed around him, he chuckled childishly.

But once he passed a circular ceiling, he fell faster. He collapsed roughly into a leaf-covered chair, giving a low 'oof' as the breath was knocked out of him. Unfortunately, it was face down. He groaned, sitting up a bit and spitting out the mouthful of dry leaves he'd acquired.

"Not like the Matrix" Ted growled, flipping around and sitting up in the chair. He was in a nice hallway now, candles along the wall. There was a checkered pattern along the floor, seeming to match the walls of the tunnel before. He looked up, but the tunnel was gone.

"God, it's getting late."

Ted looked up, brightening when he saw Cody standing there. But the boy wasn't looking at him, he was tapping his silver watch with his finger. He put it to his ear, all but pouting.

"Damn Rolex's" Cody grumbled, looking up with a little smirk now "Ya know what I mean, rich boy?"

Ted watched the other go off in that fast pace of his, heading down the hall only to disappear through the door at the end of it. Ted hopped up to his feet, brushing off his old jeans. He followed down the hall, his step a bit more careful now.

//I wonder where I'm at// Ted bit the side of his lip //What if I've come out the other side of the world? They're going to think I'm particularly dumb, not even knowing what country I'm in.//

"Please ma'm, is this New Zealand or Australia?" Ted mocked himself "Or am I in China? Yeah, that'll go real well."

Ted stopped when he realized the hallway was getting smaller, or was he getting bigger? He knelt down, grabbing the doorknob and pushing it open.

The door flew open, revealing a large room. Ted got off his knees, stepping through the now large doorway. He closed the door behind him, peering around. It was circular room, doors all around, with a dome ceiling. It was grey, pillars along the walls, a red-and-white checkered-swirl pattern on the floor. A curtain hung on the other side, a shaft of light coming down to meet it. Across it was another curtain, concealing something else.

It was kind of ominous, but he didn't let that break him down.

Ted went around and checked every door, twisting the knobs one by one only to find them locked. He pouted, twisting one so hard it jarred the wood.

"Ok, genius, you got yourself in" the blonde stepped away, hands on his hips "Now how do ya get out?"

Ted turned, finding a glass table in the middle of the room.

//Was that there before?// Ted wondered, walking over and plucking up the small key that was there on it. He examined it, looking around for where it would fit. An idea struck him not-so-suddenly, and he went over to the curtain. It pulled up by itself, startling him, but he got over it when he spotted a small door there. He knelt down, carefully brandishing the key and slipping it into the lock. He twisted it, a small click sounding that it worked, before he grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open.

The doorway revealed a large garden out…_there_. It was very beautiful, a white terrace giving way to a beautiful landscape. Lush green, birds, flowers, a maze of sorts. There was even a finely crafted fountain, the sun shining so brightly…

"I bet Cody's out there" Ted mused, lips puckering in a pout of sorts "If I could get out there…my daddy wouldn't ever find me. If I could get out there…I'd never have to grow up."

Ted looked at the doorway, tapping it gently before closing the door, "Looks like I'm already too big."

Ted got up, brushing off his knees and looking around curiously. He tucked the key inside his jean pocket, knowing he'd probably need it later. For what, he wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to give up on his garden dream. He walked across the room, wondering what this curtain held behind it. He fisted the material, giving it a good yank.

It let out a little squeal, startling him so badly he jumped back. The material rucked, tucking itself high above his head. But what it revealed was so much more…a dresser with a mirror propped on top of it. He examined it with curious eyes, a golden clock sitting upon the mantle. It clicked loudly, seeming to keep time like a metronome instead of an accurate account of the hours. It read noon on it's golden face, but Ted knew it to be well after.

He reached out, touching the surface. It crackled and rippled under his touch, causing his eyes to widen. He'd never seen a mirror do such a thing! It was surprising…but he went with it. It was warm on the other side, it seemed inviting.

Ted drew back his hand, bracing both of them on the mantle. He got a good hold on one of the drawers, lifting himself onto the surface. He stared at his own frightened face, wondering just what the hell he thought he was doing.

"_It's too late to go back_."

Ted jumped at the sound of his own voice, his reflection mouthing the words. He hadn't said that!"

"_Come on_" his reflection taunted, winking at him "_Don't you wanna see Cody? Or do you really wanna go back to the real world and grow up?_"

"It's a little too late to go back" Ted mused with himself.

His reflection nodded, "_All the more reason to go deeper._"

Ted nodded, he could be quite reasonable when he wanted to. He gave himself such good advice, it was about time he took it. He drew in a deep breath, briefly crossing himself and giving a prayer of strength before he crawled through the surface. He held that breath, eyes clenched shut as he broke through the bulk of it. Warmth enveloped him, he continued through until he slid right off the edge.

Ted cried out, toppling over the side of the dresser and onto a hard floor. He looked around wildly, finding himself in a rather homey cottage house. He scrambled to his feet, turning around to find the same exact dresser behind him. His reflection was there, but it was completely him now. He touched his own flushed face, a shaky smile coming to his face. The dresser was up against the wall, and when he touched the surface he found it to be solid.

"What are you doing here?"

Ted looked to the side of the mirror, finding Cody standing somewhere behind him. The brunette was still there in his white clothes, clean and crisp even when Ted knew the boy had been through what he had. That rabbit hole had streaked his jeans with dirt, bits of leaves still in his hair and clinging to his clothes. He turned, flashing the brunette a smile.

"Hey Cody" Ted cursed how unoriginal he sounded.

Cody looked him over, a smile twisting his own lips.

"I, uh…guess you weren't that late" Ted continued, wishing the other would say something "I kind of lost you there for a second."

Cody raised a brow, "I watch you sleep for a few minutes and you follow me all the way here?"

Ted nodded, "Yeah. I had nothing better to do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep" Ted looked at the table the brunette was standing beside, spotting a few sets of white kid's gloves and two fans laying there. He was instantly attracted, stepping up next to the other. He reached for them, but found his hand seized. He looked up at Cody, the other was peering at him with a certain intensity that made him shiver.

"Don't" Cody whispered.

"Why not?" Ted inquired.

Cody ran his thumb over the blonde's knuckles in an almost tender gesture, one that really warmed Ted. It was such a perfect gesture, a touch that neither demanded anything of him nor had a prelude to violence. Nothing was expected of him, and he savored it.

"Try not to eat too much here…" Cody cooed, a warning in his tone "You'll grow more than fat."

Ted crinkled up his nose, "I'm not going to eat them."

Cody sighed, reaching up and patting the blonde's cheek, "You're lucky you're cute."

Ted blushed under the compliment, turning away, "You're just saying that."

Cody's hands dropped away, he didn't reply. Ted waited a few moments, turning back to make some smart comment only to find the man gone. He growled in frustration, looking all around but found he was no where.

"Great, just great!" Ted huffed, leaning against the table "I finally catch him and he just…_vanishes_! He's lucky _he's_ cute, 'cause those are some _real_ great manners…"

The sunlight flowing into the cabin made it hot.

"Don't they have electricity here?" Ted snatched up a fan, flicking it open easily and starting to fan himself "It's like ninety degrees in here…"

Ted took some moments to cool off, leaning against the table as he tried to decide just what to do next. He had no idea where he was, who knows what the hell was outside waiting for him? He could just see a garden outside, but nothing concrete. He gazed up at the ceiling, wondering just what he'd gotten himself into, but gasped when he saw that the ceiling was rapidly getting farther away. He panicked, wondering what the fuck was going on as he shrank at an alarming pace.

The fan in his hand glowed unnaturally, and he decided that Cody had been right. His advice didn't stay with the eating thing, it also qualified for the touching of things that weren't his as well.

By the time he tossed the fan aside, he was no bigger than a mouse. He stared around in horror at the now-giant cabin, heart beating a war-rhythm in his chest. It was a bit overwhelming for him, he knew he had to get the hell out of there. He ran full-speed across the floor…the ground?

Ted's mad dash got him to the door, where he ducked out beneath a notch in the wood. He found himself on a porch where even the smallest step was a hassle, but he managed. He felt _way_ too exposed out on the stone, the sun burning down on him, so he dove for the cover of the grass.

"I have to get the hell out of here" Ted grumbled, thinking back to the garden.

//I can hide there forever.//

It sounded like a reasonable plan in his head. He pushed aside a blade of grass, grunting at the weight of it.

//Everything is so different from down here// Ted mused, peering at the sky //I have to keep looking up. I've never been a short guy before…little people must get horrible neck strain. It's enough to tie a needle into a knot….or make a cat bark.//

Ted perked up at the sound of a bark, heart jumping. He saw furry creature run by the path nearby, and he knew he'd never survive a dog up close like this. Fearing the worst, Ted ran for the nearest thick patch of green. He dove in, not looking back as he hurried forward. He didn't really pay attention to where he was going, but once he lifted a thick fern branch, he found himself in a much cooler, shadowed area.

//Must be by a tree// Ted mused, taking note of the random crops of mushrooms. An acorn here, a thick bump of root there, and soon enough he hit the tree. It was a sort of clearing (from his prospective at least, he had no idea what a normal-sized person would see of this), mushrooms sprouting up thickly and light falling in shafts all around.

On the biggest, widest mushroom…a man was stretched out. A lavender, hourglass shaped vase-thing was sitting on the mushroom beside him, a long stretch of hollow purple tube was coiled along the surface as well. A hookah, it was called. At the end was a pipe, and the tip was between the man's lips. He was an enticing creature, lean and lightly muscled, a small waist. His dark-blue streaked blonde hair was pulled back into a messy bun, some wispy strands falling in his face. He had silver studs in his ears, a jeweled belly piercing showing through his black tank-top. It matched his black, pocket-heavy pants. Black-nailed fingers were wrapped around the end of the pipe, holding it lazily in his mouth. His arms were thickly tattooed, blue-tinged roots curling up his arm and to his neck. He was very pale, but very handsome.

The man was propped up on his elbow, lying on his side. Smoke/light waves swirled up from the vase, spiraling past the blue/blonde haired man and up into nothingness. It was beautifully colored, starting at a ravishing violet and going up the rainbow to the palest gold.

Cat like emerald eyes fluttered open, spotting him. His brow creased, slowly pulling the hookah from his mouth. His lids dropped to half-mast, mouthing out smoke rings in a lazy way. They formed into letters in the air, spelling out a name.

"J…e…f…f…" Ted stated, reading them aloud "Jeff? Is that yer name?"

"Who are _you_?" Jeff asked in a languid, sleepy voice.

"I…uh, don't really know" Ted replied honestly.

The man scoffed, putting the hookah to his lips again, "If you don't…then I don't."

Ted coughed, inhaling a bit too much of the smoke himself, "I knew who I was when I got out of bed this morning…but I think I've changed since then."

Jeff's brow creased again, he spoke in a choked voice as he tried to hold in the smoke, "I have no idea what you mean. Care to explain yourself?"

"I can't explain myself, you see" Ted tried to reason, but it was hard after so long in a world that made no sense " 'Cause I'm not myself, you see."

Jeff exhaled loudly, replying in a snippy voice, "No, I don't _see_."

Ted sighed, walking around the mushroom a bit. Smaller mushroom were around it, acting like stairs. Feeling a bit apprehensive, he lifted his foot and stepped onto the smallest mushroom. The surface held up, he sighed in relief and continued up them, coming up to eye-level with the colorful man.

"Everyone should be the right size…can we agree on that?" Ted asked, the man nodded slowly "But I've been at least four different sizes today. Things keep changing, and those same things don't do what they're supposed to…it's pretty damn confusing. I keep trying to apply logic to things…but that just makes it worse."

"Uh-huh" Jeff held the smoke in his lungs, then exhaled slowly. He gave a little hum of content, turning his head a bit to look Ted in the eyes. His brow creased, and Ted thought it should be stuck like that for the way the man couldn't pay attention.

"Who are you?" Jeff inquired.

Ted crinkled his nose, "How 'bout you tell me who you are first?"

The hookah was pushed to the side of his mouth, chewed on absently, "_Wh_-y?"

"Because it's proper manners."

Jeff shrugged, obviously not caring.

Ted tried again, "Do you know a guy named Cody?"

"_Wh_-o?"

"Cody."

"Nope" Jeff replied shortly.

"I only came here 'cause of him" Ted complained, resting his chin in his palm "And to get away. My dad wants me to go to some stupid fundraiser, show me off and flaunt his money for no other reason other than he can. Every time I go to one…it feels like I'm getting older, like I'm losing another piece of myself in the crowd. I don't want to blend in, I want to be myself…and have someone like me _because_ I'm myself. I don't want to be some nobody rich boy…I wanna make something of myself."

Jeff puffed on his hookah, smoke pouring over his bottom lip like water, "That's wrong from beginning to end…and you can't get much wronger than that."

The blonde was a little shocked, "Are you talking about my life?"

The man rolled his eyes, "What else?"

"I wish you would quit that" Ted growled.

"_Wh_-at?"

"Talkin' 'ta me in short sentences" Ted replied sharply "It sounds like yer talkin' to a child."

"Isn't that what you wanted to be?" Jeff asked innocently, quirking a brow at the blonde "A child?"

"Everything's so confusing here" Ted rubbed at his temple, sitting on the end of the mushroom "I can't keep the same size for ten minutes together. It's startin' to piss me off."

Jeff kept his hookah in his hand, sitting up with all the gracefulness of a cat. He sat there cross-legged, eyes closed. He stayed that way for several long minutes, just puffing away. Ted waited for further instructions, just sitting there hoping the man would say something else. But when he didn't, it just served to make him angrier.

"What size…do you want to be?" Jeff asked, muffled around his pipe.

Ted heaved a sigh, "I don't care, just as long as I'm not six inches high, ya know?"

"No, I don't _know_" Jeff snapped prissily.

"There you go again!" Ted stood up, pointing his finger at the older man "Those fucked up, choppy sentences!"

Jeff smacked his lips, dropping the hookah to his lap, "And there you go again, losing your temper. It's against the Queen's regulations."

"Queen?" Ted asked, surprised by this "America doesn't have a queen."

Jeff took a hit off the hookah again, smirking devilishly, "_Wh_-o says we're in America?"

"Jeez, it's like talking to fuckin' brick wall!" Ted roared, sitting back down on the mushroom. He pounded his fists into the soft surface, completely lost as to what to do. Jeff got on his hands and knees, crawling across the mushroom until his chin could almost touch the blonde's shoulder.

"I have something very important to say" Jeff breathed, sounding very serious "…keep your temper."

He dropped a kiss on the younger boy's shoulder, chuckling at the flush that bloomed on his face.

"Everything's just so confusing" Ted murmured sadly "I just don't want to grow up…is that so bad? I can't remember who I am…except that I'm not everybody else."

"You mustn't be afraid, darlin' " Jeff reached up, gripping the boy's chin and forcing their eyes to meet "That's worse than not remembering."

Ted nodded slightly, "Thanks."Jeff laid back down on the mushroom, the blonde got up and made his way down the smaller mushrooms. He stood there on the ground, looking around in hopes of finding a way out of there.

A bright light came from the mushroom, startling him and making him duck down in a crouch. Rainbow colors rained down and up, extending all over in a blossom of beauty. He covered his head, afraid, but when nothing happened he stood back up.

Jeff was there on the mushroom, the rainbow emanating from his very being. His hair flowed free, now dyed every color imaginable. His emerald eyes glowed fantastically, his grin bright as well. His once-black outfit was now colored ivory, now matching his pale skin.

"One side will make you shorter, the other side will make you taller" Jeff stated cryptically.

Ted swallowed thickly, "One side of what?"

"The mushroom" Jeff stated, rolling his eyes fondly "Duh! That's what it's there for. Everything's got a purpose, man…even here."

"Uhm…thank you?"

"No problem."

Jeff laughed heartily, right before his form exploded into a million pieces. Ted gave an unmanly squawk, flailing as he tried not to fall backwards off the smaller fungus. He was almost fearful, but then those millions of pieces started fluttering away on their own free will. He peered closely at the colored bits as they swarmed around and past him, smiling when he realized what they were.

"Butterflies" he murmured, watching them spiral up and away. He shook his head, getting back his bearings. He stretched his arms out as far as he could, trying to defer which side was which. Giving up, he grabbed a handful from one side, then reached out and seized a fistful of the other. The mushroom gave way beneath his grasp, feeling more like bread than fungus.

"Huh" Ted looked between the bits, unsure what he was supposed to do "I was told not 'ta eat mushrooms…I wonder which one does what…"

With the voice of his cousin Phil in his head warning him about drugs, Ted took a bit from the one in his left hand.

* * *

**Ted's stint in the White Rabbit's Cottage was pretty brief, so if you didn't get where the looking glass took him it was to the White Rabbit's house. If you get confused, just PM me or ask me in a review. I check them all, it's like my crack.**


	3. Chapter 2

There was a rush of air in his ears, slight pain in his limbs as he grew. He raced up past the brush, past the roots and the mushrooms, watching the tree grow smaller. He got a head rush, swaying slightly. He outstretched his arms for balance, thankfully not falling on his ass.

Ted looked down at the pieces of mushroom in his hands, amazed at their strength.

//I'll just put those away// Ted slipped the small one into his left and the large-growing one in his right //I may need them later.//

Ted turned around, spotting a large house. It wasn't quite a house…it looked more like a castle or a mansion. It was a dusty azure, larger than life and very old style. It seemed like he'd been thrown back hundreds of years, no electricity or cars as far as he had seen. It was up the hill, lush grass spread out along the field.

//That looks promising// Ted made his way out of the brush, taking his first steps into an open area. He looked around, hoping to find way to the garden, but he had even less of an idea of where he was than when he started.

//I wonder if they can give me some directions to get the fuck out of here and to the garden// he hoped //Maybe they'll know where Cody went.//

Ted walked right up to mighty looking mansion, looking up dumbly at the awesome structure. He approached the porch, stepping through the archway. The place was a bit rough around the edges, but magnificent nonethless. He went up to the door, stepping across the blue tile walkway and onto the ledge. He reached up, hooking his fingers in the doorbell hook and pulling down.

It rang out continuously, sounding very old-fashioned. His brow creased, he heard something from inside. He put his ear to the door, listening to what sounded like a brawl inside. He frowned, pulling away and knocking insistently. There was a letter hanging by the door, tied with a silky red ribbon. Ted leaned in, reading the scratch upon it.

_From The Queen  
For The Duchess To Play Croquet_

"The Duchess" he murmured thoughtfully.

"Uh, there's no use knocking like that."

"Crap!" Ted spun around, pressing against the door and putting a hand to his heart. He stared wide-eyed at a footman sitting just inside the archway, staring at him with a pitying expression. He had slicked back, platinum blonde hair, a glittery silver vest over his bare torso. Tight, black shorts went down to his lower thighs, white boots laced up to his knees. He was handsome in his own way, dark eyes.

"Would you people fuckin' quit it?" Ted slumped against the door, forcing his heart to slow "I've lost six years off my life!"

"That's unfortunate."

Ted thumbed at the door, "Why shouldn't I knock?"

"Two good reasons" Dolph held up two fingers pointedly "_One_…I'm on the same side of the door as you. _Two_…they're making so much noise in there, no one can hear you."

"Huh, makes sense" Ted stepped off the ledge "So how should I get inside?"

"Ah, that's the question…" Ziggler sat back in his chair "The problem, even. You could say the conondrum or riddle."

"Uh, yeah" Ted nodded slowly "I could."

"There may be some sense knocking if there was a door between us" Dolph looked up to the sky, putting a finger to his thought-puckered lips "I could go and get a spare door…but that would take too long."

Dolph stood up, smiling brightly, "Or…you could go inside, knock, and then I'd let you out again!"

Ted pulled a face, "Uh…what? You mean…just go inside and you'll…what? Wouldn't that -I dunno- defeat the purpose?"

Dolph was already animatedly acting out the scene, knocking on air, "Knock-knock!"

The blonde gestured outward, bowing, "This way out, sir."

"Dude, I don't wanna go _out_" Ted thumbed behind him "I wanna go _in_."

"Yeah" Dolph scoffed, walking back over to his seat "But if you wanted to go out, things would be a lot easier. Meanwhile, I'm going to sit here until tomorrow…"

The door opened, a shout of "_Pepper_!" exclaimed from inside along with a dish. Ted dodged, but the porcelain struck the stone just behind the blonde's head.

"…or the next day" Dolph continued to muse, unfazed as he gazed off at nothing "Maybe even a whole week. Then -if you're lucky- I'll go by popular demand."

Ted stepped closer to the blonde, snapping his fingers in front of his face, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said I needed to get inside! I have a few questions to ask them."

"Whether you'll ever get in to see Edge" Dolph chuckled brightly "Now _that's_ the question you should be asking."

The platinum blonde laced his hands behind his head, stretching his body out and crossing his legs comfortably, "I'm going to sit here for days thinking about it."

"There's no reason talking to you" Ted scoffed, turning his back to the man and going up the walk "Like two marbles in a fuckin' tin can…I'll just commit breaking-and-entering, no big deal."

"That's the spirit!" Dolph called after him.

Ted opened up the door, sticking his tongue out at the dumb blonde before slamming the door in his face.

**~*~*~*~**

Ted followed the noise of people to what he assumed was the kitchen. He cracked open the door, immediately snorting roughly as the scent of pepper invaded his senses. He shook his head, turning his face away from the assault on his nose. He closed the door briefly, taking in a few lungfulls of fresh air before hesitantly pushing open the door again.

"_Pepper_!"

Ted gave a little squeak as a bowl whizzed at him, smashing into the wall beside the door. He threw open the door completely, resisting the urge to sneeze with the rest of the people in the room. He looked around, finding people inside.

"I want pepper!" a young man roared by the stone, swinging around a shaker full of the seasoning. He had a crop of light brown hair and blue eyes, a white apron tied around his waist. "More pepper!"

"There's enough pepper, dude" Ted suggested, but the other didn't hear him. He closed the door carefully, looking around the old style kitchen. A tall blonde man (presumably Edge) was sitting on a chair by the kitchen table, scowling as he held a bundle of ugly baby in his arms. It was wrapped in a crimson blanket, a little cap upon it's head. He was dressed in a stylish forest green dress shirt, dark jeans hugging his long legs. His long hair flowed down his shoulders, a tarnished gold color that really suited him. Shades were perched atop his head, also expensive-looking.

Ted jumped when he happend to look up above the stone-archway around the cooking area, an indent in the wall big enough to fit a man and some pots. This was indeed what it did. A small ravenette beauty sat up there, cross-legged with jean shorts fettered around his knees. He had this dark grey-black camaflague t-shirt hugging his chest, giving him the look of almost stripes.

This was accurate…for he had cat features. His grin revealed pearl-white fangs that curled slightly over his lower lip, pitch-black cat ears atop his head, and a matching silky tail that flickered behind him. He wrapped his fingers against the stone, thick claw-like nails clicking on the surface.

Ted sneezed loudly, the baby following suite.

"Could you tell me why you're…" Ted pointed up at the creature, hesitating "…_cat_ is grinning at me?"

The blonde scoffed, "Evan is a Cheshire Cat. Cheshire Cat's _always _grin. Isn't that right, baby?"

The baby sneezed, making Edge scowl, "Ew…gross, dude."

"I didn't know Cheshire cats could grin" Ted frowned in thought "Actually, it's news to me that cat's could grin at all."

"Well then you don't know shit, do you?" Edge snapped "If everybody minded their own business, the world would go round a deal faster than it does."

With Ted promptly silenced, the man looked down at the baby "Be good or…"

The baby sneezed again, the blonde growled, "_Suck_-tacular."

He grabbed a cloth off the table just as the thing started to cry, he didn't want to hear it anymore. He shoved it into the ugly, pig-looking thing's mouth.

"There, that'll stop you up" Edge smirked, looking at the younger man "What do you want, dorkzilla?"

Ted looked the man over, "Are you really a Duchess?"

Edge stood up, looming over the seventeen year old a bit, "Every inch."

Ted nodded, cowering a bit. The moment Edge had sat back down, the cooking boy started hurling dishes again.

"Pepper!" he shouted, throwing a plate. It cracked off Edge's back, but the man seemed to haven't felt it. Another strike, then a dish flew over his shoulder. Thank God Ted ducked, it missed him by inches. The shards went everywhere, in the bowls of food and along the floor. A cup nearly hit the baby.

"Hey, watch the kid" Ted complained, standing back up.

"Cool it, AJ" Edge stated off-handedly, another dish smashing into the wall "Styles, I said _enough_."

The cook turned back to his soup, muttering. Ted glanced up nervously, finding Evan still grinning down at him ominously. It unnerved him terribly, but he tried not to let it show. The baby cried so hard the cloth flew from it's mouth, wailing obscenely.

Edge looked up, narrowing his eyes at the younger man, "Whatta ya want, kid?"

"I want to know how to get into the garden" Ted stated firmly, hands on his hips. Edge set the baby in one of the empty fruit bowls, the ugly thing squirming a bit but conforming to it's shape.

"The garden, huh?" the blonde circled around him slowly, looking over every inch of him. Ted was a little unsettled by this but he didn't move. Edge's very presence was intimidating, the hair along the back of his neck standing on end as the other loomed from behind. He gave a rather feminine yelp as his hand grabbed his ass, he staggered forward before turning to glare at the older man.

"Hey!" Ted snapped, snatching a butcher knife off the table and brandishing it threateningly "Hands to yourself, bud."

"No harm, no foul" Edge held up his hands, palms out, a grin twisting his lips "It looks like you've got everything you're going to need to get into the garden."

Ted frowned, unsure what he meant.

"In your pockets" came a throaty purr from above, Ted looked up at the stone mantle to find Evan the one to be speaking.

"My…?" Ted trailed off, realizing they meant the small key and the mushrooms in his pockets "Oh. Well, I need to get back then."

"Ah, love, ther's a moral in there somewhere" Edge tisked, snatching a leather jacket off one of the chairs and slipping it on "But, until you find it, I've got a place to be. People to do, things to see. So-"

"Wait!" Ted set aside the knife, hoping the other wouldn't leave so suddenly "I have something else to ask."

Edge paused, "Out with it, kid."

"Do you know a guy named Cody?"

Light danced in the man's blue eyes, showing he knew, "…no."

"Liar" Ted accused, crossing his arms over his chest "And not only are you a liar…I thought Duchesses' were supposed to be women? Wouldn't you be a Duke instead?"

Edge mocked his pose, stating in a child-like voice, "And I thought mothers taught their little boys not to leave the yard?"

Ted's face crumpled, "She…she doesn't know I'm here."

"Ah, well" Edge threw his arms out theatrically "Some rabbits are just meant to be chased, aren't they?"

"Rabbits?" Ted wasn't sure what he meant by this.

"Some dreams are just faster than others" Edge stepped closer, patting the boy briefly on the cheek "And _that's_ a moral. Laters, kid."

Edge clicked his tongue, giving him the finger-guns before slipping out of the kitchen. Ted watched him go, wondering (not for the first time) what the hell was wrong with these people. He set the knife aside, gasping when a bowl flew above his head and struck the wall.

"Have some more pepper!" AJ half sang tunelessly, going wild with the shaker again. He stirred the pot that was larger than himself, adding _way_ too much of the spice.

Ted sneezed, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand. The baby was crying loudly again, and the sound tugged at his heart.

"Come on, ya little shit" Ted picked up the wriggling baby, managing to cradle him in his arms "They're sure to kill you. That'd make me accessory to murder, and I can't have that."

Ted hurried out the door of the kitchen, striding through the house with purpose. The baby was a queer-shaped creature, it's arms and legs squirming and stretching out like a starfish. He barely got the front door open, stepping out into the open air with a great sigh of relief. He hoped the hacking, grunting baby would clear out it's system, the sounds he was making were quite inappropriate for an infant.

Dolph stopped humming when he saw the blonde emerging from the house, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, "I thought you wanted to go in?"

"I've been _in_, now I'm coming _out_" Ted clarified, treading past the footman at a determined pace "See you later, Marbles."

Dolph watched him go, brow creased. After a few moments he gave a little sigh, stretching back in his chair once more. He folded his hands behind his head, tilting his face up to the sky and letting his eyes slip closed.

"Life's so complicated…"

* * *

**Forgive how short this one is, I had to cut it off here. It just seemed to help the flow.**


	4. Chapter 3

Ted found his way into the sunlit woods, he'd never seen a place so gorgeous. Though it was a little scary to be here alone in a place he wasn't familiar with, he couldn't help but admire the beauty of it all. The forest was nowhere as near as crowded as his own were. A grassy path led him along, though it grew very strangely here. It was in a sort of checker pattern, like a chessboard, with a lighter green and darker green to make it up.

It was strange…but wondrous nonetheless.

The baby had stopped wailing a while ago, but he was still grunting and fussing about. He had twisted around like a possessed little thing, Ted struggled to keep a tight hold on him.

"Would you quit grunting?" Ted finally snapped, stopping at a crossroads in the path "I'd rather you cy than keep snorting like a…"

Ted trailed off, pushing back the blanket a bit to see a piglet in place of the ugly baby he'd taken from The Duchesses home. His eyes rounded out like saucers, and he decided very quickly to let the pathetic find it's own way. He set it on the ground, pulling back the blanket and letting it go free. The piglet, the white cap still on it's head, scurried off.

"What a ugly kid that'll be" Ted chuckled to himself "That…or a rather handsome pig."

Ted got to his feet, brushing off his knees a bit. He looked around, noting all four directions, not really sure which way he had come now that he took them all in. None looked more favorable or less sure than the next, but all seemed to go somewhere else.

Ted glanced up one of the trees, a little less than surprised to see Evan now standing there. He was laying out along the branch, tail swaying behind him in a hypnotic motion. He was grinning of course, dark eyes trained on the boy.

"Cheshire-Puss" Ted walked closer to the tree, peering up with a friendly smile "Or would you prefer Evan?"

The older man didn't answer, just kept staring.

"Can you tell me which way to go?" Ted inquired, gesturing vaguely.

Evan nodded slowly, fingers kneading lightly at the bark of the branch, "That depends on where you want to get to."

"I don't really have any place in mind-"

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go" Evan cut him off cattily.

Ted was thrown off by this, "Well, I need to go _somewhere_, obviously."

"Oh, you're sure to do that" Evan flipped onto his back, craning his neck to look down at him "If only you walk long enough."

Ted snapped his mouth shut, taking a few breaths to calm himself down and gain his composure.

"Tem-per" Evan purred.

"The garden" Ted spat out, finally finding an answer that couldn't get twisted around on him "I wanna get to the garden."

The small man giggled, kitty ears twitching, "Why do you wanna go there?"

"It looks, I dunno…safe" Ted shrugged, unsure why he was so fascinated with the place.

"Safe!" Evan let out a bark of a laugh "Not with the Queen of Hearts trampling all over it. That's _his_ domain…nothing is safe there. Not with that temper of his!"

Evan turned on his side, pouting cutely, "The poor king can't keep his husband in line…doesn't wanna loose his head too."

"Well it is a terrible thing to loose" Ted drawled sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest "The garden…it's kind of a maze, right? I can hide there."

"Hiding" Evan mused breathlessly "Now that's something you seem to be doing a lot of."

"You don't know what I have to go back to!" Ted resisted the urge to stomp his foot for the umpteenth time today, they were such aggravating people "It's a world full of rules and regulations! They want me to…to…"

//Grow up.//

Ted couldn't say it, so he calmed down and tried another tactic, "Fine…what sort of people live around _here_, then?"

"Well…a Hatter called Miz lives over _there_" Evan pointed a sharp nail toward the south path.

"Over there?" Ted inquired rhetorically, turning to look down the path the cat-creature had pointed to. He turned back to find Evan gone from the branch, from the whole tree.

"Over here, sweetling."

Ted found the other man up in the tree across the crossroads, standing between the curve of two branches. He was leaning against the trunk, hips cocked, leg crooked a bit. It was a tempting pose, he had to clear his throat to speak again.

"Anyone else?"

"A gentleman named Jack Hare…nicknamed 'March' lives _there_" Evan nodded toward the west path, Ted smartly didn't look so he couldn't disappear. The ravenette leaned completely against the tree, head tilted back a bit.

"They're probably having a tea party. They're always seen together these days" Evan stated off-handedly, then grinned and looked back at the seventeen year old "They're both raving mad."

Ted was familiar with the term, "I don't want to meet…_mad_ people."

"But you can't help it…we're all mad here" Evan giggled lightly "_I'm_ mad…_you're_ mad…it's only by chance and careful planning that you're not."

Ted sputtered, "How do you know _I'm_ mad?"

"Cause you're here, Teddy" Evan tisked "And everyone _here_…is mad."

With a charming giggly laugh, Evan's very form faded away. Ted watched in amazement as this feat went on before him, he'd never seen anything like it. The laugh lingered, seeming to come from everywhere at once. The blonde looked around for him, but didn't find him lingering in any of the branches. With a huff, Ted sat down at the base of the tree. He scooted back until his shoulders hit the trunk, the roots showing their backs in the soil all around him. He let his head rest against the rough surface, wondering briefly just what he was going to do.

//I could stay here// Ted mused, squinting up at the canopy of leaves and branches high above his head. Sunlight poured down on him, warming his face, the smell of fresh earth and nature all around him. It lulled him into a false sense of security, so when Evan showed back up it startled him.

The short ravenette faded in not a yard from him, standing there in the middle of the crossroads. He had a dainty grace about him, bending down and plucking up the crimson blanket. He examined it, found it disgusting, and tossed it away.

"If you don't mind, I'm tired of meeting crazy-ass people" Ted stated, watching the smaller man approach "I'd like to meet someone normal. I realize they come in short supply around here, but there has to be _someone_ who can get me back to the room and into the garden."

"Beautiful things can be dangerous, Teddy" Evan cooed, stopping just short of the blonde "Thorns and all that. So…maybe I can help you with something else?"

Ted chewed the side of his cheek, looking off to the side as he decided whether or not he should ask. No one so far had been very helpful, but this creature seemed to be much more clever than the rest.

"Do you know Cody?" Ted asked, his tone on the verge of desperate "I followed him here and I've been chasin' after him ever since. He keeps getting away from me…no matter how fast I chase him, he runs even faster."

"Hm, life must be hard for you" Evan slinked down onto the ground, crawling slowly toward him. Ted flushed, pushing up against the tree as the other stalked toward him. His pitch black tail flicked behind him, fanged grin in full effect.

"W-What are you…?"

Evan crawled into his lap with all the swiftness of the cat he claimed to be, sitting on his legs and pinning him down. Those fangs glinted dangerously, Ted swallowed thickly as those dark eyes burned into him.

//Okay, these people have no concept of personal space.//

"No one's ever come looking for Cody before" Evan purred, letting his palm rest along the boy's chin. He scraped his claws very lightly over the flushed skin, the razor-like edges dangerously close to drawing blood. The man laughed lightly at the other's nerves, dipping down to nose at the blonde's neck.

Ted opened his mouth to protest, scared at any moment those fangs would rip into his jugular.

"He is a tasty little rabbit, isn't he?" Evan whispered in his ear, goosebumps prickling the boy's flesh "Usually he's so elusive…and now I find out he's led some sweet southern belle into our world."

"You know him, then?" Ted managed to grit out, very uncomfortable and wishing the other would give him some room to breath. He winced as a damp tongue licked a hot trail up his neck to his cheek, finally clenching his eyes shut in hopes the other would get the hint.

Evan laughed at his misfortune, sitting back on his heels. He pointed toward the east path, a serious look passing over his mischievous face.

"I heard a commotion down there" Evan stated "It may not be your Cody…but if you really want to get into the garden…the Red Queen can point you in the right direction if he's not too distracted. He seems to be the only one who knows what's possible around here."

Ted groaned in frustration, "Is there a rule book I could look over? A pamphlet maybe?"

"Sorry" Evan did a tuck and roll, making the other press harder into the tree so as not to get smacked with a limb. The smaller man landed on his back, but easily did a kip-up and landed on his feet.

"But I wouldn't trust what I say" Evan grinned, giving a little spin before bowing lowly at the waist "If you haven't noticed…I'm not all _there_ myself."

"Yeah, I could tell."

Evan threw his head back and laughed, fangs catching the sunlight and glinting sharply. He faded away, turning into an almost ebony smoke that billowed over Ted. The blonde coughed, turning his head away as the other disappeared. He blinked rapidly, after a moment there wasn't a wisp of the ravenette left.

Once he was sure nothing was going to pop up and attack him, Ted used the trunk to hoist himself up onto his feet. He kept his eyes locked on the east path, deciding to leave the Hatter and the Hare where they were. Maybe this 'Red Queen' could tell him where Cody was, or at least get him into the garden.

Ted started for the path, swallowing down a loud scream as Evan reappeared sitting on one of the lower hanging branches of a nearby tree.

"What?!" Ted snapped "Say all you have to say, _then_ disappear. This poofing thing? Not real good for my heart!"

"So sorry" Evan flipped upside down, hanging onto the branch with his legs and the ends of his fingers "But you shouldn't loose your temper like that in front of the Queen. Any Queen, for that matter. They're all a bit…_odd_."

"Of course they're odd" Ted started down the path, though he kept glancing at the cat-creature "They're gender confused! You call them 'queens', but I have _yet_ to see a girl. They're all boys! That makes them 'kings', I know that and I don't even come from a monarchy."

Evan just blinked at him, "…don't let the King here you say that."

"I give up" Ted kept walking, refusing to look back now.

"So are you going?" Evan called innocently.

Ted stopped, sighing loudly, "Going _where_?"

"If you get to the garden in time, there's a croquet match hosted by the Hearts" the grin came back, the cat-creature swinging a bit "I have a feeling the Queen will just _eat_ you up. I'll be there."

Ted whipped around, "Who plays croquet anymore?"

But Evan was gone.

**~*~*~*~**

Ted continued along the path, passing a rather musically inclined tree along the way. The woods were simply breathtaking, he could've stayed there for hours. Ted tried to figure out the time in his head, but it seemed the position of the sun kept changing on him. He couldn't get his bearings and that only added to the confused feeling…pure and utter vertigo. His stomach was grumbling a bit too, he should've grabbed something to eat at the Duchesses house.

Somehow he couldn't find it in him to care too much about the obviously lack of girls here, it was confusing enough without being shouted at.

//What about that croquet thing?// Ted wondered, bare feet taking him down the checkered grass path easily //Maybe Cody will be there…and if not, I'll just hide in the garden. No one's gonna find me there. Not Daddy, not Phil…no one. And if I stay here I won't have to go to college or get a job or struggle to make a living…I'll never grow up.//

Lost in melancholy thought, Ted almost didn't see the person down the path, a figure in red among the green. The blonde snapped out of it, realizing that must be who Evan mentioned.

"Hey there!" Ted cried out, but stopped himself just as suddenly as he started. Where were his manners? You didn't go around yelling like an animal at anyone you happened to see. What with that last man being nobility, this person could be one of high rank too.

Ted ran as fast as he could at the other, hoping to catch up. The man walked at a quick pace, and it was difficult to match him from so far away. Somehow the blonde managed to catch him, slowing to a brisk walk at his side. Ted panted hard to catch his breath, looking the man over curiously. He wasn't much taller than himself, older though, with long raven hair that fell in subtle ringlets. It was all pulled back into a low ponytail, showing off his tan face and dark eyes. A fine aristocratic nose, full lips turned down in a frown, and a fine crimson suit to go with the rest of him. It was cut nicely to his form, very flattering, his black tie perfectly tucked into his jacket.

The only thing that didn't match his business-like air was the silk-red bandanna tied across his forehead, the corner of the material folded along the top of his head to hide the start of his hair.

"Where did you come from?" the man asked, looking him over contemptuously. He had a drawl to his voice, deeper than Ted's own.

Ted hadn't quite caught his breath, so he couldn't reply. The blonde did look down at the other's sleeve cuffs, he saw the name 'Matthew' scribed across the material in strong gold.

"Look up, speak nicely" Matt snapped "And quit gaping like a fish."

Ted followed all of those rather rude directions, "I've…I've lost my way."

"_Your_ way?" Matt snarled, looking forward again "I don't know what you mean by _your_ way, all these ways belong to _me_. 'Least they did before Randy got his panties all in a twist. Now it's all the Queen of Heart's way or no way at all."

"Is that the Queen everyone's been talkin' about?" Ted inquired "The Queen of Hearts?"

"You haven't met him? Oh you will soon enough" Matt glanced at him out of the corner of his eye "Open your mouth a little _wider_ when you speak, and always say 'your Majesty'."

Ted raised a brow, "Well if yer not a Queen-"

"Not a Queen?!" Matt roared, turning on the blonde. He grabbed Ted by the collar, easily picking him up off his feet. "I am the Red Queen, the _only_ queen that matters! I was in charge before, and I could take charge again in half no-time!"

Ted nodded desperately, choking out, "O-Of course, your Majesty."

Matt dropped him on his butt, a satisfied smirk on his face. Ted gaped up at him, a little scared of this new 'friend' after the others had been so mild.

"Curtsy while yer thinking' what 'ta say" Matt offered in a sugar-smooth voice "It saves time."

Ted managed to get to his feet before the other took off at that fast pace again, the boy followed. They continued on for another minute in silence. He tried to think of something inoffensive to say, and finally came up with it.

"As a-" he got a sharp look "-_the_ Red Queen, shouldn't you be up in a castle ruling over someone?"

"Oh who has time for that?" Matt waved him off, a worried expression crossing his handsome face "My Chrissy is missing."

"Uhm, what's a '_Chrissy_'?"

"It's _mine_, that's what he is" Matt replied impatiently "The pathetic thing…he went out by himself and got lost. I told him never to leave without me, and what does he do? He's a pain, that's what he is. I've been looking for him for days."

"Wow, days?"

"_I've_ seen days which could be compared to minutes by you" Matt stated vaguely, looking pointedly through the trees for his Chrissy.

This confused the hell out of Ted, "I'm sorry."

"As you should be" Matt scoffed, then put his cupped hands to his mouth "Christopher! Chris, where are you!? Hasn't this game gone on long enough? Don't you want to come home?"

There was no answer, this disheartened the ravenette. He looked at the boy, hope in his eyes.

"While you're wondering around, could you ask about my Chrissy?" Matt whispered, almost afraid to ask for help "Surely someone's seen him about…he is a loud thing…"

"If no one's seen Cody, I doubt anyone's seen your Chris" Ted scoffed.

Matt's expression hardened, the blonde feared for himself.

"Sure, yeah, why not?" Ted nearly stumbled, the pace getting the better of him, "Have you been going _this_ fast the whole time? You shoulda found him by now."

"What are you talking about?" Matt inquired impatiently "I've been here looking for him for a week."

Ted faltered at this, "Isn't it obvious he's not here?"

Matt huffed, "Well I haven't gotten to everywhere else, now have I?"

"In my country, you'd have gotten a lot farther than a few miles goin' at this pace for days" Ted informed him, glad he sounded at least halfway intelligent.

"A slow sort of country for a stupid thing like you" Matt shot back snippily "Now, _here_, where you've come, it takes all the running you _can_ do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you have to run at least twice as fast as this."

"Ugh" Ted rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on "That makes about as much as since as anything else here. Ok, listen, I need to know how to get into the garden."

"That's easy" Matt replied flippantly "There are thousands of ways into the garden."

"Oh good" Ted actually smiled, dropping his hand to his side "Cause I've seen one way, and it was through this little door in a round room. There was this glass table-"

"You've already stumbled upon an entrance?" Matt asked, surprised for a moment before his tone turned bored again "Then I can't help you."

"What?" Ted was losing his patience "But you just said there are _thousands_ of way to get in, and that was only one!"

Matt stopped suddenly, catching the blonde before he tripped over his own feet. He clamped his hand along the back of his neck, holding him by the nape to keep him still. Ted cringed at the tight grip, forced to step closer until he could feel the other's breath on his face. Sharp, shadow-black eyes flickered over his face, studying him.

"There's no going back, it's always forward, always new and never familiar" Matt tilted his head just a bit, looking at him from under raven-spun lashes "There's no going back here…or anywhere else. If you want something, you have to seek your own way. You can't rely on anyone…"

Matt gave a firm caress to his neck, then stepped back, "Especially not _here_."

Matt half-turned, the blonde panicked, "Wait!"

The man stopped, eyes lingering on the boy.

"Isn't making my own way…a sign of getting older?" Ted choked on the words "Of growing up?"

Matt's lips turned in a fond smile, "Growing up isn't so bad, kid."

"Easy for you to say" Ted grumbled childishly "No one seems to grow up here."

"We've all got responsibilities" Matt tilted his head a bit "Even here."

"You keep saying _here_" the blonde gestured around him "Where's _here_?"

"Look around."

Ted did look around, "Yeah, I see it, but-"

"That's it, that's _here_" Matt nodded "Where you are is where here is."

Ted gaped at him, brow drawn in confusion. He tried to reply, but his lips worked silently around words he wasn't sure he should be saying. He took in a breath and decided to try shorter sentences.

"Do you have any real advice for me? To, ya know, navigate this place."

Matt puckered his lips thoughtfully, putting his hand to his chin. Long minutes went by, then he started forward and replied in a rough voice.

"Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing - turn out your toes as you walk" Matt cast the boy a glance over his shoulder "And remember who you are."

Ted slapped his palm to his forehead, "How the hell am I supposed to…?"

He trailed off, finding the Red Queen to be gone. He looked around once more, accepting defeat when he realized he was once more alone in this strange world.

"People come and go like mice here" Ted scratched at the back of his head, wishing someone would just give him a direct answer "Wherever _here_ is."

Deciding it wasn't worth not going anywhere, Ted set off back down the path in the direction he'd come. Thankfully he hit the familiar crossroads, but this time he took the west path.

//I have no fuckin' clue what a Hatter is, but maybe this March Hare thing will be more reasonable…//

* * *

**Hahaha! Matt is the Red Queen. If you've never read "Through the Looking Glass" by Lewis Carroll, you probably don't know what the hell all that was. Go find it, it's a great read.**


	5. Chapter 4

The farther he walked along this particular path, the more his surroundings changed seasons. The checkered grass curved up over small hills, each dip subtle but there. The leaves on the trees faded into a rich gold, some of the warmth turning into cool breeze. It was very lovely, everything bathed in a glow of sorts. Overly large chess pieces were erected along the path, some rooks while others were curved like pawns. He was afraid to get near one, the last thing he needed were inanimate objects talking to him.

Now this would be a gorgeous place to live.

The path dipped down a bit into a slight valley, he stopped at the top of a soft hill to peer around. There was a long table set up along where two of the paths met, right on the unnaturally checkered surface. Different styles of chairs were set up at the table for more than a dozen people, each a different color and texture. The table was full of a variety of tea pots, trays and cups set out. Cakes, biscuits, cookies…all set out for a wonderful tea time. Honey, sugar, all to sweeten the drink. It was enough to feed an army, it made his mouth water.

//They won't care if I join them…//

Ted made his way to the tale, there were only three other men at the table. The two awake ones both looked young, not much older than twenty-five, and they were seated at the end closest to him.

One man was standing up, palms flat on the table cloth, talking animatedly. Dark designer jeans hugged his legs, stylishly faded at the tops and ripped at the knees. He had an ivory black-pinstriped dress shirt on, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the ends of the material hanging down in a way said it as intended. A slimly fitted black vest was over the shirt, accentuating the line of his body. A simple black silk tie was knotted loosely at his throat, lapel folded cleanly over it. He was very handsome, perfect teeth bared in a grin and ice blue eyes shining. A subtly pinstriped fedora sat atop his crop of brunette hair, the words '_In this Style 10/6'_ were written across the right side in a flowy cursive. The words sparkled when the sun caught them, disappearing when shadow passed over them. Supple, fingerless leather gloves adorned his hands.

The other was tall, muscles thick beneath his white dress shirt. This man was much less flamboyant, simple jeans and sneakers adorning his legs. He had hay colored hair that spiked up a bit in the front, a matching set of icy eyes for him as well. He was sitting down, watching his friend, hands folded under his chin. He was seated at the end of the table, Miz on the blonde's left hand side.

There was one other a few seats down on the right side, a small man at that. He was drowning in a black hoody, skin a dark Latino shade. He had his arms folded on the table, head resting on them as he slept. A design-heavy ivory mask covered his head, going around his eyes, curving down his cheeks, exposing his full lips and chin but nothing else. He was snoring roughly, dead to the world.

"Oh come on, I _love_ strawberries!" the fedora-clad male pouted "You're hoarding them, aren't you Marchy? You're so cruel to me."

"Door-Rey ate them all" the blonde nodded toward the smaller masked man "There's nothing I can do, Hatty, _you _said to let him eat all he wanted."

"Hey there" Ted greeted them, startling both men "I'm Ted, and I'm kinda lost. Do you think I could get some-?"

They both gasped hoarsely.

"No room!" Hare barked.

"There's no room!" the Hatter stated, slamming his palms down onto the table.

Ted looked down the table pointedly, raising a brow at the emptiness, "Looks like there's plenty of room to me."

The Hatter sucked in a sharp breath, turning to his friend with wide eyes, "He's onto us, Jack."

"Shut up, Miz" Jack looked toward the boy "Why are you _here_?"

"I've been chasin' a guy all day, lookin' for a garden, but I haven't had any luck" Ted shrugged "I'm hungry and thirsty."

Miz rolled his eyes, "Oh that's completely _different._"

"We've been eating for _hours_" Jack drawled.

"And we're not finished yet!" the Hatter declared jovially.

Ted smiled at them, sitting down in the nice green-cushioned chair across from Miz.

Jack gestured outward, "Have some wine."Ted looked around a bit, finding nothing but tea, "Where is it?"

"There ithn't any, you're too young" Jack scoffed, the younger man noticed that the other had a lisp.

Miz sat back down in his own chair, grinning as he watched the interaction. He swiped a dollop of éclair cream off his plate with a finger, then lapped at the sweetness. Down two chairs, Door-Rey stirred and mumbled something.

Ted tried to be polite, "It wasn't very civil of you to offer it, then."

"It wathn't very nice of you to thit down without an invitation" Jack snapped, nose crinkling "This is a private party."

"Yeah" Miz pulled something out from beneath the table, sticking it on Jack's head with a great swiftness before sitting back in his chair "What the bunny said."

Ted muffled a laugh behind his hand, the Hatter had put white fluffy bunny ears on his companions head. Jack twitched, reaching up tentatively to touch them, before glaring at his friend and discarding them.

"But you look so cute!" Miz crooned playfully.

"Thut up" the blonde grumbled.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come over, I wasn't invited or anything" Ted looked down the table "But it looks like you were expecting a lot of people and no one showed."

"My response to that is both profound and meaningful" Miz flushed indignantly "Get your hair cut."

Without an ounce of shame, Miz threw his head back and started laughing. Jack just kind of watched his best friend as he made an ass of himself, barking out laughter until he finally ran out of breath.

"Mmm" Miz settled, wrapping his hands around his tea cup and bringing it to his mouth.

Ted touched at his hair self-consciously, frowning when he realized he actually gave a crap about what these crazy ass people thought of him.

"You shouldn't make personal remarks" Ted shot back hotly "Not only are they rude, they'll get ya a swift punch in the mouth."

Miz faltered at this, eyes dancing around him as if he were looking for the subtitles to what the boy had been saying. He ran his tongue over teeth in a thoughtful way, thumb tracing the handle of his tea cup.

"I didn't know that" Miz replied, brow creased "Personal remarks are _rude_?"

"Uh, yeah" Ted nodded, giving him a 'what the fuck' look "Yeah, they are."

"Damn, you learn something new everyday" Miz waved his hand at his friend "Make a note of that, love. It may come in useful."

Jack nodded, though he made no move to do so.

Miz started suddenly, smiling and folding his hands, "Let's have a riddle, shall we?"

Jack suddenly perked up, intrigued.

The Hatter's eyes went to Ted, "Why is a raven…like a writing desk?"

Jack puckered his lips, looking off to the left, "_Wh_-y is a raven-?"

"I'm not talking to you" Miz cast a annoyed glance at the blonde.

"Why not?" Jack pouted a bit "Aren't I good enough?"

Miz rolled his eyes, slapping his palms down on the table dramatically, "You've heard it before, love."

Jack scoffed, refusing to look at Ted, "But you _were_ looking at me when you said-"

"I'm asking Teddy!" Miz snapped angrily, the bigger man cowering at the harsh tone. Even Ted jumped, putting a hand to his heart from the sudden jump it took. The flamboyant man instantly composed himself, clearing his throat and smoothing his hair back a bit under his hat. He pressed his leather-clad palms together upon the table like he was praying, coral shaded lips curling up into a wicked smile as he gazed at the only sane one there.

"Well?"

"Uhm, I suck at riddles" Ted reached for a cookie off the tray, chewing on the side of his cheek "I think I can guess it."

Jack raised his nose in an almost snobby gesture, "Do you mean that you can figure it out?"

Ted thought about it, but it just confused him, "Maybe not."

"Then you should thay what you mean" Jack replied sharply.

"I do!" Ted insisted, he hated being misunderstood "I _do_…mean what I say, at least. That's kinda the same."

"It's not the same" Miz tisked "Not the same at _all_. Why, you might as well say 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see.' "

A nearby cookie dish sprouted legs like a crab, startling the blonde so badly he drew his hand away from the other tray of cookies. It started crawling slowly across the table, catching Jack's attention. He drew a wicker fly-swatter from beneath the table, slowly drawing it up.

"Why you might ath well thay 'I get what I like' is the same thing 'I like what I-" Jack struck, smacking the dish so hard it whimpered and drew back in it's legs "-_get_'!"

This blow shook the table, waking up Door-Rey.

"You might as well say" the small man started in an accented, sleepy tone " 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep…when I…breathe.' "

Door-Rey started drifting off, head dropping onto his arms.

"It is the same with you" Miz stated, looking at him almost fondly.

Ted looked down at the cookie had had grabbed, giving a little yelp as he realized it was squirming around. It was a small animal! He tossed the thing back on the tray, trying not to gag.

"What the hell!" Ted glared between the two of them "Are those _turtles_?!"

Miz looked innocently at the tray of cookies, then back at the blonde, "I don't know what you mean."

"Those aren't cookies, they're-"

"Clean cups!" Miz shouted suddenly.

Jack and Miz stood up in unison, almost like their chairs had shocked them or a silent whistle had gone off. They both grabbed one of Door-Rey's arms, dragging the poor man out of his seat and down the length of the table. Ted got up reluctantly, mouth still dry.

"Time marches on it's stomach!" Miz all but sang, throwing Rey into one of the chairs. The others chose the complete other end of the table, Jack taking the end seat. Miz to his right hand side, and then Door-Rey on the Hatter's right.

"Actually, it's an army that matches on it's stomach" Ted pointed out, taking a seat on the blonde's left.

"Odd sort of army, marching on it's stomach" Jack stated airily, grabbing one of the tan colored tea pots and pouring himself a new cup "I don't like the idea. Ech!"

Rey had gone back to sleep, face buried in the crook of his arm.

Miz pulled a pocket watch out of his vest, a round silver device without a protective cover for it's shiny face. The Hatter peered down at it, brow creasing the longer he looked. He tapped the surface with his finger, then put it to his ear.

Ted spotted a tempting plate of strawberries, immediately reaching for it. No sooner had his fingertips touch the seeded surface did Cody's words come back to him.

"_Try not to eat too much here…you'll grow more than fat."_

Ted reminded himself of the mushrooms in his pockets and drew back his hand, deciding to just remain a bit hungry rather than change sizes.

"What day of the month is it?" Miz inquired politely to the boy.

"It's the fourth."

//At least in my world it was.//

"Ah-ha! Two days wrong!" Miz spat accusingly, his best friend withering under the glare he gave him "I told you not to use butter!"

Jack stirred his tea dejectedly, "It was the betht butter."

"Danish" Rey yawned.

"Some crumbs must have gotten into it" Miz fussed over his pocket watch "I said specifically, 'Don't put butter in the works with a bread knife!' "

"I couldn't put it in with a fork, now could I?" Jack tossed his spoon aside, giving his friend an exasperated look. At the upset look on Miz's face, he softened his own expression. He reached out, feeling kind of bad.

"Here" Jack implored, the other pouting at him cutely "Let me see it, love."

"I don't want to give it to you" Miz sighed heavily, giving his pocket watch one last pet "But I will."

Miz handed over his pocket watch, lips still plumped in a pout. Jack stood the offensive thing, peering down at it in a curious matter. He shook it, put it to his ear, then violently struck it against the table. Ted jumped in his seat a bit, but Miz shrieked loudly. He paled, watching the blonde strike his beloved watch once more against the edge of the table.

"I don't understand it" Jack shrugged, wrapping his fingers around the pocket chain and dipping the device into his amber cup of tea "It was the _best_ butter."

"Da-nish" Rey whispered in a sing-song tone.

Deciding it was worthless, Jack tossed the watch onto the table. Ted hesitantly reached for the watch, scooting it closer to him. There were two hands, but so many more colored slots on the face with different colored slots for each month, day, and year.

"This is weird" Ted pulled his lips into a half pout "It tells the month but not the time?

"Well why should it?" Miz humphed indignantly "Does your watch tell you what year it is?"

"Well, no" Ted conceded "But-"

"Well then I rest my case" Miz stated smugly, snatching his watch up before shoving it into his jeans pocket.

"Where?" Jack asked.

Miz gave him a look of exasperation, pointing vaguely, "Over _there_, Marchy."

Jack turned his head, eyes searching for what his friend was referring to. Miz struck out swiftly, smacking the blonde over the head and causing him to whimper.

"Hey!" Jack rubbed at the ache "You could've bruised me!"

"Then quit being so intentionally dense" Miz hissed.

Jack conceded, "I know when I'm beaten."

Ted looked between them, lips quirking up, //They sound like an old married couple.//

"Have you guys seen someone called Christopher?" Ted inquired, setting his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his fist "The, uh…the Red Queen is looking for him."

"Well if the Queen's precious Chrissy has gone missing, I'm sure he's all in a twit" Miz tisked, forking a bite of cake from his plate and putting it to his lips "I liked Matty better anyhow…at least he was fun. The Hearts are just mean, the Queen really hates me…"

"The White Queen is always -in all ways- getting himthelf lost" Jack grabbed a tea pot in a nonchalant way, tilting his hand a bit and pouring a rich black tea into the cup before the boy "It's the way he's always been. A flighty thing, our precious Queen."

"You have a lot of Queens for your country" Ted observed, lots of tea trickling into the large cup "Do you follow them all or do you guys pick and choose favorites?"

"Have you guessed the riddle about the raven yet?" Miz inquired suddenly, obviously changing the subject. Ted realized he wouldn't be getting any straight answers anytime soon, so he gave in.

"Nope, I give up" Ted watched the tea keep pouring in amazement, the cup never overflowing "What is it?"

"I haven't the slightest idea" Miz replied flippantly, gesturing with a flick of his fingers.

"Me either" Jack shrugged.

"Is that what you do all day?" Ted pulled a face "Waste time by asking riddles that have no answers?"

"If you knew time the way I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting _it_" Miz scolded softly "Time is a _him_."

"I'm sorry?" Ted wasn't sure what the hell this guy meant "Are you referring to time as a guy?"

"Don't be rude" Jack hissed "I bet you've never even spoke to time, have you kid?"

"I'm not a kid" Ted replied just as sharply "And you can't talk to Time! Time isn't a person. And if it was, it'd be a vindictive bitch."

"You think Time's bitter with you? I wonder why…" Miz picked up his small tea cup, taking a delicate sip "Have you ever beat time to music?"Ted thought to when his mother forced the piano on him, wincing, "Yeah."

"Ah, that explains it" Miz scrunched up his nose at the taste of the tea, tossing the cup over his shoulder carelessly "He doesn't stand beating. If you'd only kept on good terms with him, he'd do anything you like with a clock. We were the _best_ of friends."

A flash of jealousy came over the blonde's face, Jack pulled his tea pot back. Ted took up his own cup, lifting to his lips only to pull back in confusion. There was no tea inside, he turned it every which way but found no hole at the bottom, no spillage on the tray either. The other two said nothing about this, too lost in each other.

"Don't look so sad, love" Miz crooned, reaching out and touching the blonde just beneath the chin to tilt his head up. He met their eyes, plump lips curling up in a sugary smile.

"You used to spend so much time away" Jack complained in a low voice, and Ted knew then just who the dominant one was in this really fucked up relationship.

"You know you're my favorite friend" Miz purred honestly, the other still looking a little bit ruffled "Don't be that way, love, give us a kiss then."

Ted flushed bright red, ears burning as Miz leaned across the table and captured Jack's mouth with his own. He cleared his throat loudly, putting his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes.

//People are really open here// Ted couldn't help but sneak a peek at the couple //You couldn't get away with this shit in Mississippi.//

"None of that matters now, we're not on good terms, Time and I" Miz sat back in his seat, tilting his head down sot the fedora hid all but his mouth from Ted's vision "We quarreled last March…right before _he_-" he looked toward his companion pointedly "-went mad."

Jack fluttered his eyelashes dramatically, "Flatterer."

"What did you…ngh" Ted pulled a face, not sure how far he wanted to take this nonsense "What did you guys fight about?"

Miz stood suddenly, nearly knocking his chair over and spilling over a honey bottle. It toppled over, but instead of any sticky sweetness, a bee tumbled out. It landed on the table cloth, shook itself, then flew off.

"It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts" Miz declared, sparkling ice eyes darting all over as if he were looking out at an audience "I'm a performer, you see. And I was up there, doing my act-"

"-_our_ act-" Jack cut in.

"-and what a lovely act it was" Miz blew kisses out to no one, putting his hand to his chest "I couldn't have been more amazing. I was the epitome of awesome…and then…"

The Hatter's face fell suddenly, lips thinning into a white line.

"I want another clean up" Miz whispered, voice slowly rising "Everybody…_move!_"

Again, the silent whistle went off. This time Door-Rey jumped to his feet, dashing off first. He collapsed into a chair mid-way down the table, falling back asleep the moment his butt hit the seat. Ted got up with a huff, the other two already taking their seats. Miz eased down into the red chair next to the smaller man, Jack across from him, and finally Ted settled beside the blonde.

"So…?" Ted encouraged.

"So what?" Miz asked flippantly, taking a biscuit and breaking it apart on his plate. Jack gave him a look over the rim of his tea cup, refusing to push the man on an obviously sore subject.

"What happened at this concert?" Ted encouraged.

Miz put on this big, fake smile, "Have some more tea, Teddy."

"Don't call me that" Ted leaned forward, more insistent to know "Come on, what was so bad? What happened?"

"I was up there, giving my all" Miz stood again, sitting half on the table and gesturing outward "The crowd was responding, my heart was pounding…and then…"

Miz huffed, slumping.

"I was halfway through the second half when the Queen stood up and starting screaming" Miz put on a nasally tone, nose scrunching up " 'He's murdering the time, off with his head!' "

Ted shuddered, "That sounds…savage. It must've been horrible."

"You're very understanding for a child" Jack stated.

Ted was about to snap back about him almost being an adult when Miz sat down, making a very rude noise that made him forget whatever the hell he was about to say.

"Anyway, if you'll pardon the expression, time took _offense_ to our performance" Miz stated rather hotly, indicating that he thought it was rather unfounded.

"_Your_ performance" Jack interjected.

Miz gave him a hard look out of the corner of his eye, then turned his attention back to the younger man, "And ever since then, he won't do a thing I ask. He _stopped_ time."

"So it's always -what? Tea time?" Ted looked around "That's why there's all this out?"

"No time to wash" Door-Rey muttered.

Ted was absolutely amazed by this. He sat forward in his seat, lowering his voice a little.

"Do you think he could stop time for me?" Ted inquired in a rather vulnerable tone "I have this stupid fundraiser thing I have to go to. Hell, I've got a whole life I'd like to put on hold."

Miz and Jack leaned in closer, listening intently with wide eyes.

"Why?" Miz whispered, as if they were all sharing a secret.

"Where I'm from, time moves much more quickly than it does here" Ted tried to explain "Minutes are gone in a few breaths, seconds are gone with a blink. If you daydream even once, you've lost a year. It's pretty fucked up. You become an adult and you get dumped with all these responsibilities, all these burdens from your parents and everyone around you. They make you grow up."

"I've never heard of such a thing" Jack murmured.

"That's why I wanna get to the garden, if I stay there I don't have to get back."

Miz sat back, tisking, "If I chose a place to hide, it surely wouldn't be there."

"Why not?" Ted asked "Is it because of the Queen of Hearts? I keep hearing all this horrible stuff about her -_him_- but no one will say why he's so bad."

"All you have to do is breathe too loudly and he-_khhh_" Jack drew his thumb across the line of his neck in a rather macabre gesture "Off with your head."

Ted touched his own neck, //They have to be exaggerating, no one that's horrible.//

"So could he stop time for me?" Ted repeated.

"Oh no" Miz shot back "Never. And I think it's time we all moved."

Ted watched in horror as all three moved further down the table, settling down easily and picking up their tea where they left off. The blonde got to his feet, shuffled down a few chairs, then collapsed into it. He now sat beside the Hatter, at the moment the flamboyant man was removing his hat to place it on an empty cake tray. His chocolate colored hair was styled into a faux-hawk, rather fitting for his features.

"Did it mess up my hair?" Miz asked his partner, who merely shook his head.

Ted glanced at the tempting looking food, remembering once more what Cody had said to him.

//Hopefully they're not completely useless.//

"Do either of you know a guy named Cody?" Ted asked, hoping to get a reaction.

Both men froze, even Door-Rey sat up a bit and blinked at him sleepily.

"Cody?" Jack parroted, starting to grin.

Miz clicked his tongue in a disapproving way, giving his companion a rather cold look "Let me handle this, love."

Jack nodded, picking apart a piece of carrot cake with a cattish smile.

"How did you get here?" Miz inquired, standing up only to push things aside and half-sit on the table. He looked down at the boy, expecting an answer.

"I-I followed Cody" Ted replied honestly.

"Do you even _know_ anything about him?" Miz pestered contemptuously.

"No" Ted narrowed his eyes "But it shouldn't matter. I wanna find him."

"Why?"

"Because he's the only one who makes any fuckin' sense around here!" Ted barked, getting angry "What's so bad about _him_?"

"You really don't know" Miz said in a pitying, hushed down "You poor, sweet, silly child. You don't know what you've followed, do you?"

"What is he?" Ted insisted, fear curling around his heart in a loose fist.

"Cody is not yours to follow."

Ted looked away, but the man grabbed his chin gently and forced him to look up at him. Their eyes met, corn-silk blue finding ice, so Ted froze and listened.

"Cody…belongs to the Queen of Hearts" Miz informed him, making the blonde's heart sink "He always has, and he always will. He's his messenger, his page boy, his slave. To find Cody on his own is a miracle in itself, and so far you've been lucky. But if the Queen were to ever know you have feelings for his little Cody…the consequences could be dire."

"Severe" Jack elaborated, making the thumb gesture again.

"Deadly, even" Miz continued, sympathy on his face.

"Are they…ya know…" Ted pulled a face "_Intimate?"_

"Hardly" Jack snorted, taking a bite of the cake "The King is enough for any animal, vegetable, or mineral."

"I…I-I don't think I should stay here anymore" Ted got up, feeling a bit nauseas "I need to get out of here, this isn't nearly as safe as I'd hoped it'd be. I need to find another place to hide."

"You'll find better places for that, I'm sure" Jack scoffed.

"Of course he will" Miz smirked, icy eyes flashing dangerously "If he's lucky."

Ted stepped back away from the table, glancing up at the darkening sky, "It might even rain."

Miz sat fully on the table, hands folded and legs swinging idly, "It never rains, but it pours."

A little more than freaked out, Ted set off down another path that looked kind of presentable.

"There are a thousand ways to get into the garden!" Miz called after him, ending in a giggle "But only one way out of Wonderland!"

Ted resisted the urge to cover his ears and continued on, ignoring that for now.

//I don't ever want to leave, I don't want to grow up// Ted wrapped his arms around himself, quickening his pace //But I don't want to be alone, either.//


	6. Chapter 5

**Ok, maybe this story is getting a little dark. Not too dark…just two shades or so.**

* * *

Ted kept walking, following one long winding path for all it was worth. He tried not to let his mind wonder too much, he didn't want to think about what the Hatter had said to him. He didn't want Cody to be owned like a pet, it was such an inhumane thing. And if he was owned, then…

//Well, what did you think would happen?// Ted scolded himself //You'd find him, he'd fall in love with you, and then…what? You'd whisk him back to the real world with you?//

"Bullshit" Ted spat, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

He always was too much of a romantic for his own good, it was the southern in him.

Ted stopped suddenly, the sound of rustling brush meeting his ears. He turned his head toward the sound, squinting into the woods. He saw a flash of white, then from behind a tree emerged Cody. The brunette was peering down at his wrist, nose scrunched up cutely.

Ted brightened instantly, "Cody!"

The young man looked up, gaping as he saw him there, "Ted? Are you still here?"

Ted took a step toward him, but the other darted off, "Wait! Damn it…come back!"

Ted hurried after him, keeping his eyes locked on the white figure doing that crazy-ass half-floating run. He struggled to keep up, dodging around trees with a bit of difficulty. He growled in vexation, loosing sight of Cody only a few minutes into the chase. Once he was sure he'd lost him, the blonde stopped.

"Fuck" Ted panted, bending over a bit and bracing his palms on his knees. He struggled to get back his breath, realizing just how fucked up everything was. He was completely alone with no idea how to get into the garden. Was Cody trying to keep him from the garden? Or didn't he even care that much about him?

Ted stood up straight, tilting his head back and giving one last mighty sigh. He was a few seconds from breaking down completely when he spotted something else, he turned to look more closely. Over there, embedded in the thick trunk of a twisted tree, was a simple white door. Hinges, a frame, everything.

"Ok, weird" Ted headed over cautiously, eyeing it like it'd swing out and smack him any minute. He headed up the root-steps, giving a last curious look around. He was sure it was nothing but a prop or would dissolve in an instant, but when he touched the doorknob he found it to be cold but solid. He twisted it and it came open, swinging out.

Ted got that horrible vertigo feeling again, gasping hoarsely as he stepped into a _very_ large but familiar room. He seemed to be the wrong size again, for it was the circular room with all the doors but times to about a hundred. The little glass table was gone, but that was fine. The dresser was still there, though the mirror that had once taken him farther into this land was now gone. He couldn't have gotten up there if he'd tried, anyhow.

He strode across the floor, looking up at the place he'd started off in, "Fuckin' Matt said there was no going back. Bullshit."

Ted made a beeline for the small door he'd found ages ago, the one that led into the garden. He pulled out the key he'd swiped, now just the right size for the job. He put it into the lock, giving a small prayer before twisting it. The door clicked, showing the success.

"The Duchess was right" Ted shoved the key into his back pocket again, other hand going to the doorknob "Hot damn."

Ted eased open the door, warm sunlight pouring over him instantly. There was something else there now, something much more frightening. He gave a startled yelp, putting his hand to his heart.

His reflection did the same.

The door had opened to reveal himself…a self that was pulling open a door on the other side as well. It seemed startled as well, it's hand on it's heart. Ted looked over the other, it did the same. He waved, it waved. Oh, it was just a mirrored reflection.

"The hell?" the words echoed back at him, even as he leaned forward to get a really good look. With a moment of hesitance, Ted reached out and touched the surface, as did the other. Like the last mirror, it crackled like kindling and gave way beneath his touch like water. It freaked him out to see the other's hand do the same, so he quickly pulled it out.

Looking into his own face and seeing the determination there, Ted decided that he just had to do this. Taking a big breath but keeping his eyes open, he went through it hands first. The horrible crackling noise filled his ears, not really feeling anything as he took a few steps.

Once he was sure he was through, Ted turned to watch the surface smooth back over and his reflection look back at him as well. It was like ice refreezing, like nothing had ever happened. He gave himself a tentative wave, really unsure what the hell just happened. But that didn't matter, what mattered was that he was finally in the garden.

Ted gave the place a good once over, breathing in the fresh air. Rose bushes, fountains, lush maze-like walls. Beautiful. So beautiful that he didn't even notice when the door faded, but he couldn't really care. He'd never seen anything like it before.

"Finally" Ted put his hands on his hips, lips turning up in a grin "The perfect place to hide."

Among the bright flower beds and the cool fountains…danger awaited.

**~*~*~*~**

Ted decided to explore a bit, maybe find a fruit tree or some kind of shelter. He wasn't real picky about what he came upon, he was very content to just look around and take in the scenery. He didn't come across anybody until he was in the maze, but it was just the sound of their voices. He followed the sound until he came into a courtyard, there were three people gathered around a rose bush in the middle.

It was a royal courtyard for sure. Shapely hedges, lots of red rose bushes (though some were white instead), and an ivory walkway was paved through it. Ted walked along it, coming up to the people. They were nervous things, two men and a woman, dressed up in black and white uniforms with spades on them. They all had easels with red paint gathered on them, they seemed to be painting one of the white rose bushes. They all wore pink buckled chokers with some sort of heart design on them, the accessory clashed with the rest of their outfits.

The woman had long blonde hair, tinged pink, with dark eyes. Her outfit had two spades.

One man had thicker muscles, dark hair, a baby face. His outfit had five spades on it.

The last one was smaller than his male counterpart, a tuft of blonde hair on his head but not much else. He had a rather handsome line to his jaw, fine features. His outfit had seven spades on it.

"Watch it, David, you're splashing paint on me" the woman growled.

"I can't help it" David replied in a sulky tone, he was the five-spade guy "Tyson jogged my elbow."

"Oh that's it, it's _my_ fault' Tyson growled "Don't believe him, Natalya, he 's just trying to blame others cause he's a twat."

"You're one to talk" David gave a snort, dabbing his paintbrush with more red paint "I heard the Queen say you deserved to be beheaded."

Tyson blanched, "W-What for?"

"Tulip roots."

"What?!"

"For bringing the cook tulip roots instead of onions" David replied cheekily, sticking his tongue out at his cousin "Now who's the twat?"

"Oh stop it, Davey, you're scaring him" Natalya scolded lightly.

"Is that all?!" Tyson barked, tossing down his paintbrush and storming off a bit "That's a mistake anyone could make!"

Ted approached just then, clearing his throat, "Hey there."

David looked up, startling. The woman looked up as well, brow drawn, but she held up her hand to silence her cousin before speaking herself.

"Hello" Natalya replied, obviously unsure why he was here.

"At the risk of sounding kind of obvious…" Ted started, gesturing a bit with his hand toward the tree "Why are you painting those roses red?"

"Well, you see, sir" Natalya began hesitantly, stepping around the bush "This tree was supposed to be a _red_ rose tree. But a white one got planted by mistake."

"Easy thing to do!" Tyson shouted, for he had just planted himself on top of a nearby hedge "If someone had been helping me instead of stuffing his face full of mince pie-!"

"Hey!" David snapped at the smaller man "Don't make me come over there and shut you up!"

"If the Queen were to come through here and find out, he'd be furious" Natalya pulled a face.

"And we'd all have our heads cut off" David made a face, rubbing at his neck and managing to smear crimson paint along his skin.

"We're trying to make it right" Natalya smiled feebly, raising her easel a bit "We wanted to fix it before he came."

Ted rubbed the back of his neck, "Couldn't you just…I dunno…cut all the white trees down?"

"Do you want us beheaded _twice_?!" Tyson came over, cheeks flushed with anger "He'd notice even faster, if not faster than that!"

Ted blinked dully at him, "Uh…okay, sure."

//No use arguing with them.//

"Let's hurry up" Natalya turned back to the tree, raising her brush "The Queen could come…by…any…"

She trailed off, turning back around and raising her head a bit. They all did, the sound of trumpets and flutes filling the courtyard. All three paled in unison, eyes wide.

"H-He's coming now" Tyson whimpered.

Ted stepped toward the bush to get off the path, peering down through the archways to see an extravagant procession of sorts coming toward them.

David shuddered, "The Q-Queen?"

"The _Queen_" Natalya managed to squeak out.

They all three scrambled to around to get in line, tossing their easels and paintbrushes behind the hedges. Ted watched in fascination as the court came through the archway into the courtyard, led by none other than Cody. He wanted to react, but the cold expression on the young man's face kept him in place.

David, Tyson, and Natalya all dropped to their knees somewhere behind Ted…then down on their faces.

Behind Cody were two large men carrying a man on what seemed to be a portable throne. He was long limbed, very well built, and a handsome face to match. He had a strong cut to his jaw, tanned flesh, sleeves of beautifully intricate tattoos down his arms. Short dark hair, fierce lapis eyes. Jeans covered his long legs, shined boots on his feet. A forest green shirt stretched across his broad chest, several cracking black hearts printed across the surface. Black, lace-up cuffs ran along his forearms, stopping just short of the first knuckles on his hands. He was very attractive, that was for sure, but he seemed rather bored.

Or he did until he spotted Ted.

"Halt!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped at his command, some shuffling about and looking confused. It was a whole assortment of regal looking people, as well as men with the same uniforms as the three gardeners…only these ones had red hearts on their clothes.

This was the Queen of Hearts, no doubt.

"And…" Randy's eyes fell to Ted, the blonde froze and tried to remain expressionless "Just who is this?"

One of the two men standing directly behind the throne stepped up, wrapping his hand around one of the posts and leaning on it. He seemed to be the Knave of Hearts, and he looked ravishing. Wavy dark hair, glittered sunglasses on his face, and no shirt. Only a fluffy crimson coat covered him, his pants glittered and covered in hearts.

"I agree entirely" the Knave stated.

Randy didn't even spare him a look, "Don't be ridiculous, Morrison."

"Would I lie to you, your Majesty?" Morrison inquired.

"Yes" Randy replied, deadpan.

"Ah, well thank you" Morrison replied sarcastically, clearing his throat "Compliments are always welcome."

"You're an _idi-ot_" Randy spat venomously, easing off his throne and stepping onto the ivory stoned pathway.

"That's right, your Majesty" Morrison smiled faux-jovially, clicking his tongue before turning his head away and continuing under his breath "Only you could spot that. Takes one to know one."

"A _complete_ idiot" Randy continued, walking past Ted to stand by the rose bush. To the blonde's credit, he didn't move. He could feel those poison filled eyes on his form, studying him, but he refused to fuck things up and get himself beheaded.

"_You_" Ted groaned silently as the Queen referred to him "Your name, child."

"Ted" he replied, hoping to keep up with etiquette "If it, uh…pleases your Majesty."

Ted observed someone else standing close to the Knave, a well-muscled man no older than Randy (neither of them could've been more than twenty eight.) He was very handsome, he had a boyish face and dimples that would pop if he smiled. He had a jersey-like shirt on, though it was pure white with a string of crimson hearts across the chest. His ball cap was red though, as were his shoes, yet his capri-like jeans were normal colored. Thick white wristbands covered his wrists, faint heart outlines on them as well.

"Why have we stopped?" he had a kind voice.

"I don't know, your Majesty" Morrison slid his sunglasses up into his hair, revealing his beautiful eyes "I never know."

//That must be the King then// Ted half smiled //He's hot.//

"And who are _these_?"

Ted snapped out of his trance, glancing over his shoulder to see the Queen was referring to the three gardeners.

"How should I know?" Ted scoffed without thinking "I just got here."

This was wrong, he could feel it in the very air. The Queen circled round beside him, flushed, a vein throbbing in his temple. He took in a loud breath, the blow coming.

"Off with his head!" Randy barked harshly.

Cody was biting at his nails nervously, watching this whole thing.

The King rolled his eyes, the rest of the procession repeating a more milder, "Off with his head."

"Off with his head!" Randy commanded again, pointing at the blonde. John hurried up to the man's side while the Knave seemed to be fighting off a migraine.

"Stop losing your temper!" Ted snapped, schooling his features calmly "It's vulgar."

Randy snapped his mouth closed in a snarl, only stopped from physically assaulting the boy by a thick arm across his chest.

"Consider, my dear" John whispered, rubbing the slightly taller man's arms in a soothing manner "He's just a kid."

"You…you think so?" Randy's suddenly calmer voice was a little less scary, he looked to his nodding husband with a drawn brow "Yes…that would account for it."

Randy's eyes went back to him, Ted managed to smile weakly.

"Children have no respect for their betters these days" Randy stated in disgust, the other agreed with him.

"See? Isn't it better when you don't loose your temper?" John whispered, caressing the other's cheek.

Randy nodded, actually smiling a little, before he stepped away from his husband and barked out, "You three! Get up!"

John sighed, shrugging and letting the other do as he pleased.

The three gardeners got up on their knees, then started bowing like loons.

"Stop that, you're making me dizzy" Randy drawled boredly, examining one of the half-painted roses "What's this?"

"If it pleases your Majesty" Natalya began "We're trying-"

"Yes you are, aren't you?" Randy walked past them slowly, then turned to give his King a rather wicked grin "Very trying."

Randy's laughter was pure silk wrapped over barbed wire, a low almost seductive sound. John laughed a little as well, but it was a much more nervous sound.

"Off with their heads" Randy gestured vaguely, very nonchalant about it as he made his way back to his throne. John, the poor thing, checked his wrist and neck as if he were assuring himself his vitals were still fine. Some men came and dragged the three in-tears gardeners away, but to be fair…they shouldn't have planted white roses with such a crazy Queen.

John pulled a face at this, but hurried to get beside the Knave and escort the Queen off. Randy plopped down on his throne, stretching his long legs out, before he was picked up and headed off.

Ted caught Cody's gaze, the other subtly pointed toward where they were headed before he disappeared through the arch.

//Fuck that// Ted hurried off the other direction as soon as they were out of sight, deciding to go through the opposite archway (the one they had come in through.) He tried to be sneaky, to walk on light feet. He crept into the other courtyard, this one nothing but lush green grass.

He wasn't halfway through before he heard that same venomous voice, "Do you play croquet?"

Ted froze, slowly turning around to find the whole court standing there. There were tones of red-card cards lining the wall, the nobles on either side. Of course, Randy was dead center, arms crossed over his chest and eyes locked on Ted. The King was to his right, hands stuffed into his pockets, and the Knave was on the left in an almost pose.

Cody was on the other side of the King, looking at the blonde in disbelief.

"Me?" Ted asked, on instinct really.

"_Yes_, you" Randy replied sharply "I'm not in the habit of talking to myself!"

Randy looked between the Knave and his love, continuing in a lowered tone, "Even if that's the only way I can get some intelligent conversation around here."

"Uh, sure" Ted lied easily.

"Well come on then!"

Almost instantly, a croquet game was put into place. Instead of the regular set, they used flamingos and little groundhog things. Ted watched in horror as they took the birds, wrestled them, and then knocked their heads against the little rodents. It was a disgusting sight, and the Queen seemed to be particularly good at it. The blonde refused to play right then, he wouldn't be a part of this.

"I told you to go the other way."

Ted turned around, finding Cody standing there. The boy smiled faintly at him, gesturing. They began a slow, leisurely walk across the spacious courtyard.

"I don't know how all of you got all the way over here" Ted tried to explain.

Cody sighed lightly, "You haven't learned anything from being here yet, have you?"

"Sorry, I'm still trying to get used to it" Ted flashed him a charming smile "I've been looking for you."

"I bet" Cody hesitated a moment, then laced his arm with the blonde. Ted flushed, but he couldn't help but love contact.

"Where's the Duchess?" Ted wondered aloud "I thought he'd be here. He got a letter that invited him to croquet."

"He boxed the Queen's ears."

Ted started laughing absurdly loud, the other scrambled to cover his mouth.

"Hush, or we'll lose our heads!" Cody scolded, though he was laughing a bit as well.

"I take it they don't get along?" Ted wiped at his eyes, still grinning like an idiot.

"No, not really" Cody continued "The Queen doesn't like anyone who threatens his power. That's why he hates the Red Queen so much. If he didn't _have_ to have him around, he wouldn't."

They lulled into a silence, taking a turn about the yard in a bit of peace. They listened to the birds, watched some of the players stagger around, and even smirked as John followed the Queen around in an attempt to keep him from killing everyone.

"So you really do belong to the Queen?" Ted inquired suddenly, knowing he had to ask.

"Yeah" Cody flashed a disgusted look toward said Queen "I hate it, I hate _him_. Every time I try to run away, he finds me. There's no use even trying anymore."

Cody paused, looking down at his feet and holding one out for a moment, "Though he does buy me nice shoes."

"You…" Ted began, chewing his lower lip "You could come home with me."

Bright cerulean eyes turned toward him, "Didn't you say you didn't want to go back?"

"Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad" Ted turned on the charm, running his hand along the boy's bare forearm "I'd go back if I had you with me."

"You make it sound so horribly tempting" Cody bumped into him playfully, smiling brightly to himself "Don't be cruel, Teddy."

"Why is it so absurd?" Ted insisted, pulling him closer to whisper into his ear "Why can't I take you out of this crazy ass world?"

"Because I'm not meant for your world" Cody replied gently, placing his hand on the blonde's chest.

"Why not?" Ted bit the side of his lip "…don't you want to?"

"I wish…." Cody trialed off, then cleared his throat a bit "I would if I could, Teddy."

Ted conceded to this, squeezing the other's arm a bit, "Okay, fine. If you can't come to my world…I'll just have to stay here in yours. Here in the garden, even. With you."

"This isn't exactly an ideal place to live" Cody pointed out.

Ted looked out toward the croquet field, everyone was cheating and beating each other over the head with flamingos, "You're right. They're too fond of beheading people here."

Cody nodded, obviously agreeing.

Ted scratched at the back of his neck with his other hand, "Cody, I have to ask…why did you bring me here?"

"Oh Teddy, don't feed me direct questions" Cody looked up at the sky "It's too late in the day for that. So late…one may call it early."

"Don't go all vague on me" the blonde pleaded.

"There's one thing you have to know about me" Cody looked directly into his eyes, those cerulean orbs sharp as knives "I'm a selfish shit."

"_Cody!_"

Cody jumped at the sound of Randy calling for him, pulling away from the blonde. Ted kept his hand on the other's forearm, stopping him and making him look back.

"I have to go" Cody insisted.

"Don't" Ted pleaded simply.

"I'm sorry" Cody replied honestly.

Ted let go of the brunette, watching him stride across the yard to where the Queen was. Apparently he and John were in a debate whether or not to execute a red-card guard for his insolence (not bending correctly so the hedgehog would go under him.) The blonde sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and absolutely sulking. He managed to catch a glimpse of something, he jumped a bit.

It was Evan, sitting up there on a high hedge. Legs crossed over the edge, hands braced behind him. His tail was swaying behind him in a gentle motion, lips split in an almost wicked grin.

Grateful to see someone familiar around, Ted walked over to him.

"How goes the game?" Evan inquired lightly.

"Good, I guess" Ted glanced back over his shoulder, disgusted at the almost animalistic display of a game "Everyone's cheating their asses off, no one's playing fair!"

"Nobody does if they think they can get away with it" the ravenette replied truthfully "That's just a lesson you're going to have to learn."

Ted made a face, "But how does a game get played if there are no rules? No structure?"

Evan tilted his head, "I suppose it's not much of a game. It never is."

"_Cody_!" came a shout from across the field "My hedgehog…"

There was a meek call back, "I've got it, your Majesty."

"Did you know about Cody?" Ted asked, suspicion peaked.

"Oops" Evan put his hand to his mouth, still grinning "Did I forget to mention that your little rabbit is the Queen's pet?"

"No, you cleverly forgot that part" Ted snarked, arms crossing over his chest.

"Don't you like croquet, Teddy-boy?" Evan inquired innocently.

"I'm from America, no one knows how to play croquet" Ted though hard "Come to think of it, I've never even seen a croquet set before."

Ted winced as a few of the card-guards bent painfully for the rolling hedgehogs.

"And the Queen apparently hasn't either."

Ted didn't notice that the game was getting closer, nor did he see how Randy was passing him at this instant.

"And…" Even purred lowly "What do you think of the Queen? Is he all that you've heard of?"

"Even more so" Ted lowered his voice "He's so-"

In that moment, he realized Randy was right behind him, listening intently.

"-extremely likely to win, that it's hardly worth getting in the game at all" Ted continued in a faux-cheerful voice "He's an exceptional one, your Queen. We don't have anyone like him back where I'm from."

Randy's lips thinned a bit, hand raising in the air. Ted closed his eyes tight, thinking the worse, and almost toppled over when he received a hard pat to the head.

"What a good…_good_ boy" Randy's voice was tight, his pets rather jerky as if he had never really praised anyone before "Very…_charming_."

Randy wandered off, leaving him to his own devices. Ted sighed out the breath he hadn't known he was holding, relief flooding through him. Evan snickered at his discomfort, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth in an almost maiden way.

John strolled up beside the blonde, peering up at Evan like he'd seen him before, "And who _are_ you talking to?"

"A, uh, friend of mine" Ted gestured "This is-"

"-the Cheshire Cat!" John's pretty blue eyes widened as he realized who it was, teeth immediately raking over his lower lip "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I just thought I'd come take a stroll through the gardens" Evan replied cattishly, his tail twitching harshly behind him now "Is it so wrong to want to come and see the court?"

"_Yes_!" John hissed, lowering his voice "If the Queen sees you, it'll be your head! And maybe mine! You've been banned from the garden, or did you forget?"

"A cat does as it pleases" Ted said with a rather 'matter of fact' tone, for he had grown up in Mississippi where every home had a feline "They're like trying to control fire…or catch smoke with your bare hands. They just _do_."

"You're not wrong" John turned his attention back to Evan "And as for _you_! You better high-tail it out of here. Randy's already at boiling point today, he doesn't need you around to fuel the fire. You know how you annoy him."

Evan's upper lip curled in a snarl, flashing his teeth.

"I'm just saying, there are only so many times I can save you" John huffed, the other was glaring down at him "Now, Cheshire-puss, don't look at me like that."

"A cat may look at a king" Ted countered impatiently.

"What does that mean?" John inquired.

"I don't know" Ted's brow creased, he truly didn't "I think I read it in a book somewhere."

"Well I haven't, it sounds immoral" John snapped back "That book should be banned."

Randy came up to them, "I like the sound of that!"

"Ah, my dear" John put on a big, fake smile "There you are. How did your turn go?"

"Is that the Cheshire Cat?" Randy hissed, glaring up at the young ravenette perched above their heads.

Ted wanted to say something in Evan's defense, but he snapped his mouth shut.

"Yes, I'm afraid so" John chuckled breathlessly "Seems he's gotten into the garden again. What-"

"Off with it's head" Randy stated disdainfully, looking the small man over "You know how I despise that thing around."

"Brilliant" John groaned under his breath, then picked up his voice "I knew I could rely on you, my love."

Randy obviously wasn't paying attention, his piercing gaze locked on the offending cat.

John pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to walk away, "I guess I'll go and fetch the executioner."

Ted slinked away, hoping to get under the Queen's radar. Randy had started arguing with Evan, but it was rather one sided except for some hissing. Thankfully, the blonde found Cody and dragged him over by a rose bush.

"Stay out of the Queen's way" Cody pleaded softly "He doesn't like anyone as it is, let alone someone I…"

"Someone you _what_?" Ted insisted eagerly, eyes bright with hope.

Cody flushed, turning his head away, "Don't."

"Come on, Cody…" Ted pleaded softly, reaching out and touching the other's wrist.

"And if I were to get to your world?" Cody raised his chin, a look of apprehension on his face "What then? What would become of me?""You'd, ya know…" Ted felt his ears burning, but he smiled shyly "You'd be with me. Then we'd grow up together, and we wouldn't be so alone anymore."

Cody cast a glance at the crowd gathering around Evan, "I'm not alone."

"But _I_ am" Ted replied honestly "Here and in my own world…and I hate it."

A commotion was starting now around Evan.

"Come on" Cody tugged him back toward the court "Let's go see what's going on."

* * *

**For those of you reading "Under the Rose", no…I'm not giving up on it. I just got sidetracked with this. Crappy place to cut off, isn't it?**


	7. Chapter 6

**I'm not sure if this is the best place to cut off the chapter, but that f-ing garden scene was going on **_**forever**_**! This one ended up kind of short, about nine pages.**

* * *

The executioner was a short man with long copper hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail, older, with a black and white uniform. The cloth held only one spade, and a cursive _HBK_ was printed across the back. Beside him was the Knave, who himself looked a bit ruffled.

Randy was pacing, glaring up at Evan once in a while, "All that's necessary is a swift chop to the back of the neck."

"It's _difficult_" the executioner complained "I must have a ruling."

"Surely you can do it without, Shawn?" Morrison teased.

"Oh, shove it, will you?" Shawn shot back.

"Darling, maybe this is a sign" John pleaded with his queen, trying to sound convincing without being pushy "Maybe this means that you've taken enough heads today."

"There's never enough!" Randy shouted, positively fuming.

John sighed heavily, running a hand over his face, "…we're not gonna have anyone left…"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic" Randy scoffed.

//Pot calling the kettle black// Ted gave a little snort of laughter under his breath, catching the Knave's attention. Cody got away from him in an instant, stepping into the crowd.

"You there, pretty blonde boy" Morrison gestured toward him, flicking his fingers "I appeal to you."

"Yes" Randy half agreed, giving him a fierce look "You've still got a good head on your shoulders."

"No thanks to you" Ted replied on instinct.

Cena paled, burying his face in his hands. Morrison and Shawn both looked at one another, then back at Ted in disbelief. Randy slowly pivoted, eyes straight on the boy.

"What?!" Randy snapped, unsure if he'd heard correctly.

"I-I can't understand you when you all talk at once" Ted covered, easing the tension with a little smile "One at a time."

"I'm sorry about my altitude" Evan crooned down at him "Survival and all."

"My logic is simple. I'm chief executioner…" Shawn stated, then pointed up at the creature "_Not_ a monkey. There's no way I'm climbing my happy ass up there. My knees aren't what they used to be…and it's _impossible_! I can't reach it!"

"What if someone else were to climb up there?" Morrison asked dully.

"Climb up _what_?" Shawn countered heatedly "There's no footholds, it's just a bush! Who knows how that cat got up there, but I sure as hell didn't put him there."

"Well…" Morrison looked up at Evan, shielding his eyes from the sun "You could always sprout wings and fly up there."

"Are you joking?!" Shawn blustered "I can't do that! It's not Tuesday for another two weeks!"

"True" the glittered up man sighed "But if it were…"

"Ah, if it were" Shawn sighed as well, a little forlorn about this fact.

Ted was lost, //They're absolutely bonkers.//

"Ah! There's too much talk and not enough action!" Randy roared, hands balled into fists at his sides "And if something doesn't happen in a minute…I'm going to have _everybody_ executed."

The way he rolled his neck suddenly made everyone shudder, obviously this was a sign of growing temper.

"It's up to you" Shawn threw his chin at the boy "To behead…or not to behead."

"What's…the _answer_, boy?" Randy ground out, lips barely moving.

John got behind Randy, giving Ted a pleading look and mouthing the word, _Careful._

"You haveta…tread with care when dealin' with cats" Ted drawled, kind of just making it up as he went alone and hoping to apply some of _their_ anti-logic to the situation "They have…influence, and are seen in all the smart places."

They were hanging off of every word, John nodded and made a motion to continue, casting a wary glance at his queen.

Ted thought quickly, rushing out his next words in a convincing way, "You remember the…the Great Massacre, don't you?"

//Please be as stupid as I think you are.//

Everyone showed confusion until the King spoke up.

"Yes!" John stated eagerly, stepping up to his husbands side "Yes we do!"

All nodded at this, the anti-logic working wonders, even the Queen looking solemn.

"A catastrophe" Morrison stated, some murmured agreements.

"I'd think carefully before acting too rashly" Ted advised them, sounding much older than his years.

"Sound advice, little boy" Randy conceded with a half smile, picking his hands up slowly before starting to clap. The others joined in, applauding him for tricking them.

"And another thing" Ted stated after the applause had died away "The cat up there? Evan? Belongs to The Duchess."

"I knew there was a reason I hated him" Randy seethed, looking to Shawn "Fetch him!"

Shawn darted off, too pleased to get out of there.

Sensing his husband's rising anger, John saddled up closer to him and whispered, "I remember the Great Cat Massacre of '28...nasty business."

Randy hummed softly, "Yes, it was just after the Flamingo Plague of '26, wasn't it?"

The flamingos around them squawked, jerking out of other nobles grips and running off.

Shawn reappeared a minute later, Edge striding at his side. He had his shades on, looking as cool as ever. Randy snarled at the sight of him, rushing forward and glaring him down.

"If it isn't my favorite queen!" Edge sang jovially, reaching out for a hug. Randy smacked him on the chest hard, sending the blonde bombshell staggering a few feet.

"Adam" Randy hissed, stretching out his neck in a snakeish way.

"Why are you always so bitter to see me?" Edge tisked, raising his sunglasses up on top of his head "Aren't I good to you?"

Ted heard the smack of the King's palm striking his own forehead in exasperation.

"Think carefully before answering, you disgusting hussie" Randy growled, pointing toward the hedge "Is that your damn cat in my garden again?!"

Edge looked up toward the hedge, drawing in a sharp breath, "…no."

"No?" Randy spat "I was told-"

They all looked up to find Evan gone, the barest wisps of black smoke the only thing to show he was there.

"It's gone!" Morrison cried out, obviously surprised.

"Gone!?" Randy barked, glaring toward his executioner "_You_! It's your fault! He was in your custody!"

"I-It wasn't official, so…it's nothing to do with me" Shawn shrugged, big scythe still slung over his shoulder "I'm in the clear."

Randy nearly growled in frustration, looking around for it, "The first person to find it is the one who _doesn't_ lose their head!"

The nobles started scrambling around, looking wildly for the cat creature. John removed his ballcap, running a hand through his short hair with an audible sigh. Once Randy was out of earshot, the King looked toward Ted.

"That was some quick thinking" John offered.

"Thanks" Ted chewed the side of his lips "He must be a handful."

"He is, more often than not" John looked after his queen, a smile twisting his lips even as the other had a look of rage on his face "But I love him, so what can I do? He's my companion, he's always there."

"So…you're not alone?"

"Nope, never" John put back on his cap, that dreamy expression still on his face "I'll put up with the hissing and the screaming fits if it means I get to be with the one I love for the rest of my life."

John shot a curious look at him, "You got someone to love?"

Ted's eyes strayed toward Cody, then back to the King, "I'm not sure, yet."

"Good luck, kid."

"Yeah, yeah, enough of this" Edge slung an arm around the blonde, dragging him off "Later, Cena!"

The King watched them go, a strange sort of look on his face.

Cody came up to his king, "Sir, your queen needs you."

"Doesn't he always" John looked up, paling at the sight of his love hacking at a rose bush with Shawn's scythe "Love! Please! Darling, be careful! D-Don't-"

There was a scream, a noble lady lost the train of her skirt. John winced, lowering the brim of his cap.

Cody cleared his throat loudly, "At least it wasn't a foot this time, sir."

"…true."

**~*~*~*~**

Ted followed the Duchess through an archway and along a path, a back alley in the maze…but much more lovely. He looked around, a forlorn expression on his face.

"Thanks for getting me out of there" Edge grinned cheekily "The Snake Queen had me in the barracks. Strains my neck…he's such a jackass. Total toolshed. Didn't I say he was like that?"

Edge rubbed his shoulder, casting a glance down at the boy when he didn't get a response, "What's wrong, little dude? You look…kinda miserable."

"I don't wanna go back" Ted drawled, shoving his hands into his pockets "If I go back…they'll try to make me grow up. It's all a big show, 'cept the audience keeps changin'."

"Silly boy" Edge gave a snort of a chuckle "The show _must_ go on. Every performer knows that."

"But _why_?" Ted was absolutely sulking now "Why the hell should I haveta grow up? Why can't _my_ show stop?"

" 'Cause life would so totally suck if it didn't" Edge replied, rolling his eyes as if it were obvious "A life where everything stayed the same? Nothing ever changed? Totally lacking coolness."

//I don't know anyone who talks like that, not even teenagers.//

Edge looked closer at him, grin dropping to a serious frown, "It's not just being alone, is it?"

"My dad keeps me locked up tight, I don't have any friends that aren't the kids of his own" Ted admitted, he'd never said this to anyone before "I hate all those spoiled brats, none of them are real. They're all Straightedge like my cousin. I can't stand fake-shit cookie-cutter people like that! It drives me nuts!"

Ted ran a hand through his golden hair, "And…it makes me feel guilty for being different. I'd rather be laying on the roof having a smoke than out at a charity ball to raise money for orphans in India…or something."

"So you're alone?"

Ted nodded.

"Brutal" Edge sympathized "You can't stay here, I hope you know that."

Ted kicked at a stone in his path, "I'm starting to realize."

//He seems a lot calmer. It must've been the pepper that made him kind of hot-tempered// Ted mused, keeping his eyes on the path as he slowly walked forward //Kind of like a rule for spices. Vinegar makes you sour, chamomile that makes you bitter, and…and things like barley-sugar that make children sweet-tempered. Huh, if only everyone knew this.//

Ted's eyes, faltering in his steps, //Shit! Now I'm starting to think like them! That's total nonsense!//

"You're thinking about something, blonde-bear, and that makes you forget to talk" the man's deep voice was right in his ear, startling him "There's a moral to that, but I can't seem to recall it."

"Maybe there isn't one?" Ted offered.

"Everything's got a moral" Edge countered "You just have to look hard enough for it."

"Maybe you just read too much into things?" Ted looked him over, wondering briefly how Styles was handling himself back in the kitchen all by himself.

Edge wobbled his head in a thinking motion, "Could be. But I think the moral we're looking for here is: _Fortune favors the brave_."

Ted couldn't argue.

They went on in silence, but the older one soon broke it, "Oh! What became of that baby thing?"

Ted gave him a strange look, "It wasn't yours?"

The man shook his blonde mane, "Nope."

"Huh" Ted chewed the inside of his lip, then shrugged when he didn't find it that strange "It turned into a pig."

Edge slapped his hands together, giving a little laugh, "I knew it would! It's the same with crows and moorhens."

"What?" Ted shot back before he could stop himself.

"Well, you see, these things-…" Edge trailed off, eyes going wide. Ted followed his gaze and jumping when he saw the Queen standing there. He looked thoroughly pissed off, arms crossed over his chest and jaw ticking as he clenched it. They had stopped in one of the mini-courtyards, the ones where all paths seemed to intersect. And Randy had found them.

"Hey there, Randy" Edge seemed a little nervous as he was put under that hot gaze "Fine day for a croquet match. Glad I was invited. I love it when you include me."

"I'm giving you fair warning" Randy stated in an ominously silky tone "Keep your cat out of my garden, and I won't take your head from your shoulders as soon as I'd like to."

Edge gave a little groan, "Come on, Randy, we're _friends_! Remember when the Red Queen was in power? When we were just nobles in the court together?"

Randy huffed, nostrils flaring as he looked off to the side, "I recall no such thing."

"It wasn't always like this, he wasn't always a jackass" Edge informed Ted, who was just trying not to catch the Queen's attention "During the Red Queen's time, we were evenly matched. He hates to admit it, but he was a mere Duchess once."

"Hey!" Randy barked, getting in the man's face and jabbing him in the chest with a long finger "_I_ was given the crown by the court when Matt left it! _Not_. _You_. Not the Red King, not that imbecile Chris, not anyone! It was _me_! I married, I took the throne, I rule! What I say goes! Do you understand me?!"

Edge shuddered, "Y-Yes, sir."

"Go from my sight!" Randy roared "And don't let me catch you here again! Invitation be damned!"

Ted looked away for just a moment, and just like that…the Duchess was gone.

Randy reigned himself in, rolling his neck as he controlled his temper. The blonde was ready to duck out of there as well when poisonous lapis eyes pinned him down, sticking his feet in place.

"Now…" Randy stepped to Ted's side, placing a hand on his lower back and urging him forward "We can finish our game before you leave."

"Who said I was leaving?" Ted countered before he could bite his tongue.

But the Queen stayed cool, "Don't you have a home to get to?"

"It's not a home, it's a prison" Ted spat, glaring at nothing really "If I were a girl, I swear they'd have married me off by now."

"Is it what your father wants?" Randy inquired, fiddling with his left forearm cuff.

"Well, yeah, but it's not what I-!"

"Every little boy should do right by his father" Randy cut him off icily, still staring down at the cuff "For a father's only goal in life is to guide his son right. I consider myself a father as well…my young page, actually…I've come to see him as my son."

Ted didn't read the warning signs fast enough, he gave a rather unmanly yelp as the man struck at him like a snake. A strong hand clamped down on his throat, all but throwing him into the hedge wall. They had been passing through an archway, shadow falling over them and shielding the attack. Ted gasped, but didn't dare fight back as the Queen pinned him down like a butterfly.

"You've gotten close to my boy" Randy purred, an almost insane smile on his face as he got right in the blonde's personal space "I'm not sure what to think about that…I saw you with him, and my first instinct was to wring your tiny _neck_."

At the last word, Randy dug his fingertips into the younger man's neck. Ted sputtered for breath, almost on his tiptoes as he clawed at the man's hands rather uselessly.

"P-Please!"

"But…" Randy eased his grip to a firm caress, features smoothing into something akin to a content expression "Then I saw him smile. My Cody never smiles. You did that, didn't you little boy?"

Ted's breath came in swift, nervous gasps, but he managed to choke out, "I…I think I did…"

"I would never share my son before, it seemed like such a waste before…for he is such a prize" Randy braced his hand above the blonde's head, leaning down until his mouth almost brushed his cheek "But I suppose every father thinks their son is _the_ top prize."

"Y-You keep him trapped here" Ted accused weakly.

"Only because I fear what would happen if he went out on his own" Randy ran his hand up the boy's neck, cupping his jaw "But maybe if he had someone to look out for him…I'd be more inclined to let him loose…"

Ted's heart trembled in his chest, he was terrified the man would grow fangs or claws so he could rip out his insides.

"Randy?"

The Queen didn't pull away, but a half smile did appear on his face.

"Honey, I'm busy" Randy purred, not looking away but not talking to Ted himself "Can we do this later?"

"Maybe you could leave the boy alone?" John suggested, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest "Just this once?"

"Just this once?" Randy stepped away from the boy, staring at his husband with a mildly confused expression on his face "What do you mean, love?"

Ted looked to the King, fearful for him.

"Randy, you know I love you" John explained sweetly "You know I'd do anything for you. I married you so we could rule this place and make it better. But…you keep…_executing_ everyone."

"For their disobedience!" Randy countered, gesturing vaguely.

John put two fingers to his temple, rubbing it firmly to try and relieve the pressure. His own temper showed through a bit, and his gaze turned fierce. The Queen was surprised by this, hands dropping to his sides.

"_Stop_ killing everyone" John commanded "I've had enough of it!"

Randy softened his expression, sauntering up to his husband. He stopped at his side, facing one way and the King the other.

"Johnny, my heart" Randy cooed, reaching up with his right hand and cupping the older man's strong jaw to catch his eyes "You know I love you…do anything for you…"

Randy leaned in, capturing his mouth briefly with his own in a ardor filled kiss. The King was surprised by this, Ted wasn't as much so.

"Don't try and tell me what to do" Randy murmured against his lips, lapis eyes nearly glowing as they narrowed into slits "Or I'll have you beheaded. No matter how much I love you."

John blanched, hissing when his husband's nails raked down his cheek.

Randy wandered regally back into the courtyard, leaving the two there.

John managed to compose himself before speaking, "You need to get out of here. Take Cody with you, if you can…but you have to leave."

"I can't leave yet" Ted stepped away from the hedge, massaging his neck.

There was a commotion, the sound of someone tripping and falling. They both froze, but the inevitable screech came. Apparently the Queen had embarrassed himself, because he sounded _pissed_.

"Off with their heads!" Randy cried petulantly "Off with _everybody's_ heads!"

"Then at least get out of the garden" John rushed past him, catching him by the arm and leading him down the other way "I want you to follow this path - _listen!_ Follow this path, take no more than three rights, but no less than two lefts. You'll find an exit…and no matter how strange it may seem, just go through it."

There was another screech, then a _shing_ of a scythe.

"Anywhere is better than here" John stated, pushing him further down the path "Go!"

The moment Ted started off, the King hissed out, "_Wait_!"

Ted yelped as he was dragged back by the belt of his pants, squeaking indignantly when the man's hand groped into each of his pockets.

"Excuse you!" Ted belted out, whipping around to glare at the man.

John held out his palm, showing the bits of mushroom Ted had collected earlier.

"You won't be needing these" John stated rather solemnly "It's best you stay at this size…I wouldn't want you getting stuck too tall or too short to get back home."

After giving it a second thought, Ted nodded, //He's right, I'd be too tempted to eat one and stomp on the Queen.//

"Now get."

Ted felt bad about leaving the King behind, but did as he was told and hurried down the path.

**~*~*~*~**

Ted followed the King's advice as closely as he could, but he was sure he was lost.

//This place sucks// Ted sighed as he founded another corner //Everything looks the same. It's not nearly as safe as I thought it'd be. What with their demented Queen running around killing everyone…and here I thought that Hatter was exaggerating.//

But then he thought to Randy's words to him…

Was the Queen really going to let Cody go? And if so…would Cody come back with him?

Ted took the next left he could find, gasping hoarsely as he came to face a rather large book. It was propped up against the wall, towering over him. It was almost as high as a basketball hoop…maybe even taller. He stepped up to it, peering at the writing on it. It seemed to be backwards and written from left to right, it didn't even seem to be in English. He reached out, biting his lower lip in anticipation as his palm grazed the page.

Ted could feel a vibration underneath, the paper fluttering as if a breeze was rustling it. He leaned in, putting his ear to the surface. He could hear something underneath, forest sounds, the rustling of leaves and the faint chirp of birds.

"No fuckin' way" Ted murmured, brow creasing as he tried to figure this out. He walked over and grabbed the edge of the page, hauling it back with all his strength. It folded obediently like any book would, falling into place on the other side, revealing the page beneath it.

Ted stepped back, taking in the sight. It was so strange. There was a square cut out of the page, revealing that familiar checkered grass path cutting through a forest. It looked well enough, not unlike what he had been in before.

"The forest is better than nothing" Ted reasoned with himself, looking over his shoulder "The King was right…I can't stay here. People are too fond of losing their temper."

//And you're going mad// he thought, scolding himself //Talking to yourself like this.//

Ted stepped up to the page, feeling the breeze on his face. It was a serious mind-fuck, there was no way this book led somewhere. But he took a step into it, heat racing as his foot met soft grass. He eased himself through the page, holding his breath the entire time. He got onto the path and took a few steps, looking around to see it was a more rugged looking forest than the summer-like setting before.

He looked behind him, there was nothing there but the path curving away. No book.

//Curious.//

But not so, he'd been here long enough for two things.

One: to get used to the ever-changing scenery.

Two: To get fed up with all this fucking nonsense.

The very lighting of the woods seemed to change, the setting-sun violets bled away to leave an awash of grey. A light fog crept through the trees, seeming to cling to the path far behind and ahead, almost as if it were avoiding him. Even the sounds of the birds turned harsher.

Not one to be intimidated, Ted went on along the path, ready for more.

* * *

**Yep, I cut out the Mock Turtle thing. Sorry, I'm not a fan of that part. Stupid emo turtle…**


	8. Chapter 7

Ted resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself against the slight cold, he refused to act like a woman. This place was a bit gloomy, but he wasn't about to pull a Snow White and start running through the woods because a bunny snapped a twig. He kept going, trying to keep his eyes forward and not stare off into the foggy tree line. Once golden-ladled branches were now knurly, reaching, but not bare of leaves that were dyed the deepest of green.

A horse whinnied in the distant, causing him to start. He looked out to his right, observing a rider coming out from behind a tree. The man was in full get-up, a suit of crimson armor covering his body and some parts of the horse as well. His metal helmet was fashioned to resembled a horse's head, a full mane and everything. It was a strange sight that soon became a frightening one, the man had spotted him back.

The moment Ted saw the mace, he knew he had to get out of there.

"Fuck this!" Ted shouted, starting across the path. He kept his eyes over his shoulder as he stumbled away, the crimson-clad knight was riding toward him full speed. He hadn't gotten to the tree on the other side when he heard another set of hooves, he looked forward to see an ivory-clad knight riding toward him. He panicked, his heart going a runner's pace in his chest as they both raced toward him with maces in their hands. He did what came naturally to a frightened human, he ducked behind a tree and watched.

The two knights passed one another, swinging their weapons a bit only to circle around and stand off on either sides of the path.

"Ahoy!" the Red Knight shouted, sounding much older than anyone Ted had met here in this world "He's my prisoner!"

"That's why I've come to rescue him!" the White Knight called back, his voice much kinder. Wiser, even.

"Then we'll have to fight for him!"

//What am I?// Ted huffed //A damsel in distress?//

"You'll observe the rules of battle?" the White Knight inquired.

The other sputtered, shaking his heavy horse-helmet, "I _always_ do!"

Ted watched in morbid fascination as they began to fight over him. Their horses circled, and they swung their maces with an almost clumsy nature. They struck each other with such force that their armor rattled in an obscenely violent way, showing what damage they were doing. Each took several blows to the head, nearly unseating them at different times. It was a violent dance, one that seemed to go on forever.

Eventually, they both bashed each other so hard in the head it knocked them off their horses.

Ted put a hand over his eyes, hoping they hadn't really hurt one another. He peeked through his fingers, finding them both with their heads buried into the dirt and their legs sticking straight up in the air. The blonde had never seen such a thing before, he stared with wide eyes. Even when they did a half-flip and got themselves out of the ground, ending up sitting there side by side.

"Curse my weak wrists" the Red Knight grumbled, flexing one of his wrists and massaging his fingers into it.

"You are a worthy opponent, sir" the White Knight conceded, though somehow he had won.

"Another day, perhaps" the other drawled.

The White Knight nodded his heavy head, "Another day."

They shook hands like civilized knights, a surprising gesture after such a violent exchange. The crimson-clad man managed to get to his feet, going back to his horse and heaving himself onto it. Ted watched him ride away, not even a glance back. Once he was sure he was completely gone, he came out from behind the tree and crept up to the side of the White Knight.

"Thanks for that" Ted spoke softly, not wanting to scare the man.

The White Knight flipped his horse head helmet up, exposing his face. His lips were turned up in this big grin, blonde scruff along his jaw and cheeks. He was quite handsome, though in that early-40's kind of way. He looked very cheery, even for one who was sitting in the dirt with a suit of armor on about half a size too big. Now up close to him, Ted could see that the man couldn't have been much taller than himself.

He was a slim guy, but he fought like a fiend.

"That was a _glorious_ victory, wasn't it?" the White Knight positively beamed.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool" Ted bent down a bit, offering out his hands "You want me to help you with that helmet?"

"Yes, please."

Ted curled his fingers under each side of the helmet, gritting his teeth as he tugged it up firmly. It took them both a minute or two, managing eventually to yank it up and off the knight's head. The helmet itself was kind of heavy, but when it was finally off the older man took a few grateful breaths of fresh air. His short, flaxen hair stuck up in all directions, mussed into spiky tufts. He had these bright azure eyes, this world seemed to breed blue eyed men.

Ted tucked the helmet under one arm, offering the other out to the man. The knight took it, getting himself to his feet rather stiffly. When he stood up straight, Ted found that he was actually just as tall as him. It was kind of comforting, meeting someone who wasn't larger than life.

"Ah" the man sighed, standing up straight "I can breathe now."

The White Knight took back his helmet, then bowed, "Thank you."

Ted nodded, hesitating a moment before giving the other a bow. The knight went back to his horse, securing the helmet to his steed.

"I'm Ted. You got a name?" Ted questioned, peering closely at the upside down satchel on the knight's back.

The man thought about this as he latched his helmet tight, "…no, I don't believe I've had anyone to tell it to. Most people just call me 'White Knight' or 'Clueless'. One's more useful than the other, I'm sure, but I haven't quite figured out which."

"What you just did for me…" Ted started, hoping the other wasn't too slow "It was the good Christian thing of you to do. I don't think I could say I would've done the same."

The blonde suddenly brightened up, "Hey! Now there's a good name."

"You can't just _choose_ your own name" Ted chuckled "It doesn't work that way. Your name is chosen by those around you who care for you. By those who brought you into this world."

"What makes you less than anyone else?" the knight looked over his shoulder, brow creased "Why can't you choose my name?"

Ted couldn't really argue, "Uh…okay. Your name can be Christian."

"I like it!" the blonde tightened the belt fastening on the end of the helmet, humming to himself happily. When he finally did turn around, he was smiling again.

"I can see you're admiring my box" Christian pointed out.

Ted nodded, he had been wondering why it was upside down and open.

"It's my own invention to keep sandwiches in" Christian informed him wisely, his natural voice very lush "You see, I carry it upside down so they don't get wet when it rains."

"But they can fall out" Ted reasoned, feeling bad for the man "The lid's open."

Christian unhooked the string, taking the box off his back. He peered at it, seeming a bit disheartened.

"So _that's_ what happened to my sandwiches" Christian pulled a face, ready to toss the box all together when he had another idea. He walked over to a nearby tree, hanging the box by it's string on a low branch. He adjusted it, made sure it was upside down still and completely open, before turning to look at the boy.

"Do you know why I did that?" Christian queried.

Ted tried to think of a reason but found none, "Nope."

"Now it's a bees nest" Christian was clearly proud of himself, strutting back to his horse "I should be expecting some honey very soon."

Ted looked carefully on the horse, there was a nest already on it's back, "But you've already got a bee hive. Why don't you use that?"

"It's one of the best!" Christian declared, tapping it lightly "But the bees won't come near it. Same with _this_" he lifted a mouse trap up by one finger, the device latched onto the saddle as well "It's a better mouse trap."

Christian went to get into his saddle, but paused to look off thoughtfully, "Come to think of it, I shouldn't be surprised if the mice don't keep the bees out. Or the bees don't keep the mice out. One or the other."

Christian tried to haul himself up into the saddle again, but fumbled. Ted acted fast, reaching out and managing to brace him by the hips. With a bit of pushing, Ted helped him straddle the horse.

"Why would you need a mouse trap?" Ted wondered, backing off so the horse could start walking "You don't find a lot of mice scurrying all over horses."

"Ah, but if there were, he'd be protected" Christian patted his faithful pet's neck "Wouldn't you, Cage?"

"Cage?"

"Nice name for a friend, don't you think?" the blonde sat back on the saddle, but this was a bad idea. Slowly, he started going to one side, then fell right off the beast before Ted could act. He winced at the hollow thump the man made as he struck the ground, smacking flat on his back. Ted hurried around the back of the horse, finding the other just laying there.

"Are you ok?" the boy asked, unsure if the other had really hurt himself this time or not.

Christian looked at him curiously, sitting up on his elbows a bit, "I hope you've got your hair fastened on tight."

Ted touched at his own blonde hair, lips plumping in a confused pout of sorts, "Only…in the regular way, I suppose."

"That'll probably be good enough, you don't have too much there anyway" Christian rolled onto his belly, then up onto his feet. He brushed off his armor a bit, then gestured outward dramatically. "The wind is as strong as soup around here."

"That sounds bad" Ted looked around a bit, as if he could physically see this wind "Aren't you scared to be out here by yourself?"

"As long as you're ready for anything…" Christian braced himself a bit, hands out and eyes wide as they darted around "_Nothing_ can frighten you."

Ted tried to follow his gaze, //What the hell is he looking at?//

As if he found his sign, Christian relaxed and went back to his horse. He got his foot in the saddle, lifting his body up so his torso laid across the saddle. His armor creaked, he groaned, and the horse seemed to be rolling his eyes at the rider's attempt. Christian just managed to get his other leg over in a straddle, but he leaned over to far.

"Oh…!"

Ted gasped again as the man went right over the beast, landing face-down in the grass. He hurried to his side, bearing his teeth in worry as he examined him for any wounds. He grabbed him around the waist and helped him to his feet, the older man snatching a box off the ground that he'd managed to knock off his horse.

"You don't ride a lot, do you?" Ted grunted, finally settling the other so he didn't fall over again "You need more practice."

"What makes you say that?" Christian asked, his tone of mild offense.

"Because you keep falling off your horse" the younger man replied sharply.

"I've had plenty of practice at that" Christian all but blustered, fiddling with his box "Plenty of practice!"

Ted sighed, lips quirking in a fond smile, "Yes, I suppose you have."

"The art of riding is to keep your balance" the blonde stated, looking down at the box before shoving it into Ted's hands "Hold this."

Ted held it out a bit, examining it for himself but finding it just to be a box, "What is it?"

"Iforget" Christian waved his hand dismissively "But I-I know it was a bargain."

Ted watched the man head back to his horse, a little less than optimistic about this.

"Plenty of practice" Christian assured him, shoving his foot into the stirrup and hauling himself up with a groan "_Plenty_ of practice."

Cage whinnied loudly, suddenly charging forward and making his master scream. Ted watched in horror as Christian was carried off at the mercy of the horse, yelling and barely holding on to the reins with one hand.

"Christian!" Ted called, but the man was gone through the trees. He sighed loudly, both annoyed and worried, but he decided to continue on. Of course, he hadn't taken a dozen steps before there was a loud clatter. Cage raced right at him, the other still yelling and making a ruckus.

On instinct, Ted threw aside the box and dropped to his knees. He covered his head, hoping the horse would jump over him. All he could hear was a whinny, then the sound of Christian yelling before a solid thump. With a great amount of caution, Ted uncovered his head and looked up.

Cage was blinking down at him, just standing there like a good horse should.

"You see…our bodies are driven by our legs…"

Ted turned around, finding the White Knight head down in the dirt with his body sticking straight up (though a bit far away, almost twenty feet.) It was a little unnerving to see someone like that, but he inched forward to try and help. The man was just talking like nothing had happened, though with a dreamy quality to his words.

"And our legs are driven by our feet" the man continued.

"How can you talk like that?" Ted inquired.

"Like what?" Christian countered, voice slightly muffled.

"With your head in the ground" Ted replied, deadpan.

Christian sat up rather gracefully, leaves and debris clinging to his armor and hair, "What does it matter where my body happens to be?"

Ted rolled his eyes, but he came up behind the other and hooked his arms under his own to help him up.

"My mind goes on working just the same" Christian rambled a bit, clanking about as he got onto his feet again "It's a hive of activity! Ideas…ideas, ideas."

Ted nodded along with him, finding him very amusing as he put his arm around his shoulders to help him all the way back to his horse.

"In fact, the more head downwards I am, the more I keep inventing things" Christian looked to him, a small smile on his face "What?"

"I'm just hoping no bones are broken?" Ted tried not to chuckle, his spirits lighter now that he was with this curious man.

"Not this time, oh no" the blonde cocked his head a bit, still relying on the boy for support "Those red marks on your neck tell me you've met the Queen."

"Yeah" Ted made a face "He was a real treat."

Christian's nose crinkled up in an equally disgusted face, "Yes, you'd think so, wouldn't you? I much prefer the Red Queen, I'd follow Matt to the ends of the earth. Maybe if he retook power, we all wouldn't be so trapped. Maybe we'd even be allowed to leave."

"The Queen of Hearts keeps everyone trapped?" Ted inquired.

"Oh yes, very much so" Christian tilted his head back "The very air we breathe belongs to him."

Christian stopped them suddenly, swinging the blonde around in front of him so he could give him a good once-over. A grin split his lips, a light in his cornflower blue eyes once more.

"You look like a thinker" Christian prodded wisely "Maybe even an _over_-thinker?"

"A bit" Ted gave in, he couldn't deny "Sometimes things just get a little hectic, ya know? And the world's a pretty damn big place…too big to wonder around alone in."

Christian nodded slowly, "You are a very bright young man. Most your age can't look past their own hands, let alone try and plan for the future."

Ted flushed a bit, "You're the first person today who hasn't spoken to me like a child."

"When I look at you, I see a blooming adult" the knight assured him gently "Someone who can take on the world."

Ted shook his head, remembering why he'd run away in the first place.

"You look worried" Christian observed, taking on a playfully scolding tone "Look at me! I don't worry."

"Well, I was thinking of all the things I'm going to have to do when I get home" Ted replied, scratching at his arm absently.

Christian seemed generally surprised and delighted, "You're going home, then?"

"I don't want to" Ted assured him, biting the side of his lip briefly "But maybe it's time I do."

"Just be brave" Christian advised, reaching out and touching the boy's chin to get a smile out of the other "And always get back on your horse. What's the worst they can do to you if you never give up?"

"Failure only happens after you quit trying" Ted spouted "Isn't that right?"

"Oh yes, true and true" they shared a laugh at this. After a few moments, Christian spoke again.

"Now I must leave you" Christian gave him a 20-watt smile, striding past him and to his horse "I've still dragons to slay and young ladies to rescue."

One foot in the stirrup, the knight shot him a wink over his shoulder, "And the occasional helpless pretty rich boy."

Ted covered his mouth as he laughed, letting the sound out for one of the first times since he got here. The knight mounted his horse, Cage thankfully staying still.

"Do you know how to get out of this place?" Ted inquired, palming away the happy tears that had dripped down his cheeks.

"You're not going to like it" Christian informed him "You'll have to conquer both your fears. And there's only one way to do it."

"How?"

Before Christian could open his mouth, Cage took off at top speed down the path. In a few moments, the glowing ivory knight was completely gone, even as his frantic yells trailed after him. Ted wanted to be angry, but he couldn't keep the stupid smile off his face.

"Thanks anyways!" Ted yelled after him, though he probably couldn't be heard "I'll find out on my own!"

//If I ever do find out.//

Deciding he'd better get a move on, Ted started off the other way.

**~*~*~*~**

Ted kept along the path, though it got dark and twisted at some points. He got scared a few times, but he never strayed from the path. He followed his gut on which turns to take, and it seemed to be paying off. The fog slowly lessened, the grey bloomed into a healthier gold.

Eventually, he came upon a small bridge that lay across a large stream. It led into warm sunlight, so he decided to cross it. It led him through a stone archway, lush green growing around and on it. It was a garden on a much smaller scale, but very beautiful. It was full of flowers…but the ground was pretty solid beneath his feet, not as fertile as one would think it should be.

There, standing out, was a large Tiger Lily. It was a vibrant mix of orange and gold, bigger than any flower he'd seen back home.

"Now how the hell am I supposed to get out of here?" Ted scratched at the back of his neck, peering around at the flowers "Too bad there's no one to talk to…babbling would be more helpful than wondering around like an idiot…"

"Well, I can talk."

Ted jumped a bit, eyes darting around wildly before landing on the Tiger Lily. It was tilted up toward him, petals folded in an obscene mouth looking pouch.

"Who said that?" Ted inquired to no one (he hoped.)

"Me, dumb thing" it was definitely the flower this time, it moved and everything.

"Y-You?" Ted ran the back of his hands over his eyes, then blinked down at the amber colored flower.

"Yes" Tiger Lily replied in an annoyed tone "_Me_. I talk when there's anyone worth talking to."

"I'm going batshit" he grumbled, then spoke up "This may sound stupid to you…but can all flowers talk?"

"As well as you" the flower replied.

"Oh, it isn't manners for us to talk first" came from the Roses, each one taking turns speaking "We were wondering if you'd speak."

One Rose with a deeper voice spoke nastily, "I thought your face had some sense on it - not much - but _some_."

"Mmm" another Rose said "But the colorings right."

"Oh, I don't care about his color" Tiger Lily looked him over "He doesn't even have any petals! If he did, he'd be alright."

Ted flushed a bit, hating that he was being reviewed by a bunch of plants.

"Look at those stems!" one of the Violets squealed.

"Don't you girls get scared growing out here with no one to take care of you?" Ted questioned, putting his hands on his hips.

"There are plenty of trees" the Tiger Lily replied snobbishly "What else are they good for?"

"What good are these trees when someone tries to pick you?" Ted countered, gesturing with his hand to the surrounding trees.

A square patch of Daisies started giggling a few places away, "They have a good bark!"

They kept on giggling hysterically like a gaggle of school girls, and it was quickly getting on Ted's nerves.

"They're only like that because they know I can't get at them" Tiger Lily whined "They're too close to the ground."

The Daisies carried on like loons, it was enough to drive Ted to the edge. The blonde walked over, kneeling down next to them and smiling brightly.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't make ya'll into a chain?" he cooed.

The Daisies instantly shut up, their little mouths snapping shut.

"Daisies are worst of all" Tiger Lily complained "Next to Snapdragons, that is. Those little things…once one starts talking, they all talk. It's enough to make a cat bark."

Ted agreed, standing up and brushing off his knees, "Flowers don't talk where I'm from. I've been in a dozen gardens, and the plants don't so much as move."

Tiger Lily rolled his eyes (at least Ted thought it did), "Feel the ground."

Ted bounced a bit, "No give."

"In most gardens, the flower beds are too soft" the Tiger Lily informed him "So the flowers are always asleep."

"Huh" Ted's brow creased he mulled this over "I never thought of that."

"In my opinion" one of the Roses chimed in "I doubt you ever think at all."

Ted's features hardened, lips pursing in a thin line. The Daises started laughing, but Tiger Lily shut them up with a firm word.

"There was another one of you here before" a Daffodil yawned "It ran through all frazzled."

"Another one of me?" Ted inquired, looking toward the flower hopefully "Another guy? Older than me? Younger? What?"

"What what?" the Daffodil echoed.

"Who came through here?" Ted insisted.

"Who came through where?" the flower inquired lazily.

"_Here_" the blonde snapped, waving his arm to indicate the garden "He ran through here, didn't he?"

The Daffodil gasped, "Who ran through here? Was it someone I know?"

The Daisies started giggling madly again.

"There's no use talking to Daffodil" Tiger Lily stated wisely "They can't remember three things together."

"Forget it!" Ted barked, getting fed up with this shit "Do ya'll know which way it is out of the wood?"

"That way" the Tiger Lily pointed with it's leave, indicating one path.

"That way" the Roses all pointed in opposite directions. Those same words echoed all through the garden, each flower pointing somewhere different. All while those stupid Daisies kept laughing! With a malice he didn't know he possessed, Ted grabbed a stick from a pile of brush before advancing on the small flowers.

The garden shrieked in horror as he smashed the Daisies to petals and pulp, destroying every last one with just a few swings of the heavy wood.

"Murder!" the Violets screamed.

Ted dropped the stick, insanely proud of himself, "That takes care of that. See ya, ladies!"

Ted stormed out of the small garden, leaving a bunch of terrified flowers behind. Hell, he would have crushed them under his foot if he'd been wearing boots. He continued on until their sounds faded all together, leaving him alone again.

//I was wrong about being alone, it's way better than hanging around with a bunch of bitchy flowers// Ted laughed to himself, not feeling the least bit apprehensive even as the sky slowly darkened overhead and the wind picked up. In fact, it was shaking the trees.

An ivory shawl skidding across the ground toward him with the leaves, he managed to snatch it up when it got near his feet. He examined it closely, brow creased at the knitted material. It was warm in his hand, but he hadn't seen this kind of thing before except on old ladies.

Ted wondered who this belonged to…

* * *

**Yes, Ted destroyed those flowers. To be fair, he's just doing what **_**I**_** would've done in Wonderland.**

**Guess who comes next? **


	9. Chapter 8

**If you don't know who Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley are, then you need to go watch one episode of TNA for the sole reason of seeing The Motor City Machine Guns. They're hot, and their pictures don't do them any justice.**

* * *

"_Tweedledum and Tweedledee  
Agreed to have a battle;  
For Tweedledum, said Tweedledee,  
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.  
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,  
As black as a tar-barrel;  
Which frightened both the hero's so,  
They quite forgot their quarrel!"_

Ted put a hand over his heart, looking at the two men who were standing still before him. They had their heads together, staring at him, hands shoved into the pockets of their sleeveless hoodies. They were silent, hoods pulled up over their heads. They were taller and older than him, but not by much. Their shirts were shredded at the bottoms, exposing tantalizing bits of flesh to the eyes. Their pants rode low, revealing the defined indents of their hips. Silver and black cuffs laced up their forearms, punk chains and rings on both their bodies.

One had shaggy copper colored hair that fell in front of his eyes, stubble of the same shade across his cheeks. He seemed the older, if either was to be it. The hood of his sleeveless folded almost over his forehead, fancy script there reading '_Chris_.'

The other was dark brunette, lines shaved into the side of his head, a streak of white at the top. A black stripe ran across his right cheek. His hood had '_Alex_' scrawled across the edge, a deep wisdom in his dark eyes.

They were both incredibly handsome, and Ted found he wasn't surprised. The people here seemed to come in nothing but shades of beauty.

" 'Sup?" Chris nodded his head in greeting.

"Uh, hi" Ted managed, feeling rather dumb with them just staring at him.

"You just gonna keep standing there looking at us?" Alex inquired boredly.

" 'Cause if you are, we'll have to charge you" Chris added, pulling his lips in a 'sorry' way.

Alex waved his hand between them, "We're not made to be stared at for nothing."

"Nohow" they chimed together, freaking the blonde out.

Ted tried to recover, "I wasn't sure you were…_real_, there for a second."

"Contrariwise" Alex raked back his hood "If you know we're alive, you should introduce yourself."

"Or us to you" Chris countered, shoving back his hood as well to reveal his copper mess of hair.

"I'm Ted" the blonde offered."Chris."

"Alex."

"The Tweedle Brats" they smiled in unison, their voices in stereo.

Ted peered around, seeing that they were by a Gothic style building, half run down with vines lacing through the bricks and covering it all in lush green. With closer inspection, he found the building mostly gone with only pillars and archways to show it was there at all.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Alex got real close behind him, trying hard to see what the did.

"Nothing" Ted started forward, deciding it didn't hurt to look around some.

"Wait, you began all wrong" Alex and Chris darted in front of him, cutting off his path. They grinned equally, holding out their hands.

"What?"

"First, you shake hands" Chris pointed at his in emphasis.

Alex nodded emphatically, "That's manners."

Ted couldn't deny the logic there, so he reached out and took both of their hands in fear of offending the other. They chuckled, holding tight before starting to circle him. Ted found his hands taken tightly, both sets of eyes locked on him as they slowly started to spin him around. They were examining him like prey, sizing him up to see how many mouthfuls they could get a piece.

"We know what you're thinking about" Chris purred, cat-like eyes locking with the blonde's "But it isn't so, nohow."

"_Contrari-wise_" Alex sang, ending with little laugh "If it was so, it might be. And if it were so, it would be. But as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."

"I-I wasn't thinking anything" Ted stuttered out.

"You're so _serious_" Alex tisked, puckering his lips "Little Teddy, you should lighten up. This is a place of nonsense, after all."

"Mmm, 'Lex is right" Chris agreed "You need to come out of your box, Teddy. Quit being so scared."

They released him at the same time, Alex immediately bouncing away to plop down on a hunk of rubble. He was clearly the more energetic of the two, but Chris immediately busied himself with curling his fingers through some leaves of a low hanging tree branch.

"Do you know the story of the Walrus and the Carpenter?" Alex asked, swinging his legs a bit to knock his heels against the stone.

"Who hasn't?" Ted replied.

"Who do you like more?" the brunette tilted his head, almost like a puppy.

Ted really thought about this, contemplating the stupid story he'd heard when he was younger.

"The Carpenter."

"Why?" Chris pushed, plucking a particularly green leaf off the branch.

"Because at least he didn't spout false promises to the…what were they?" Ted thought, continuing hesitantly "Clams? Shrimp?"

"Oysters" Alex chimed.

"Ah, close enough" Ted waved it off "But, ya know, he was up front about the whole thing. He was a hungry guy, and they were food, and ya know the rule about M months and oysters so-"

Ted stopped abruptly as he realized how stupid this conversation was. He waved it off, deciding it just wasn't worth it.

"Nevermind" Ted huffed "I don't have the time for this."

Alex shrugged, "Neither have we."

"We don't carry a watch" Chris added.

"Nohow" they sang.

"You two are creepy" Ted admitted, eyes dancing between them both. This great rumbling sound came from within one of the archways, a gust of wind bellowing out of it. Leaves caught in the force, washing over Ted and stinging his skin. He put his hands up to protect his face, Chris and Alex yelping at the sudden blast. They hurried over to the blonde, fucking behind him a bit before the next rush of wind.

Ted found each of his arms seized by one of the handsome men, their faces peaking over his shoulders.

"What the fuck is that?" Ted asked, fingers trembling at the mighty growling noise coming from the source of the wind "Is that a lion or a buffalo or something?"

"Worse" they groaned.

The wind settled down, the leaves fluttered to the ground.

"What is it?" Ted asked, kind of afraid to know.

"It was the Vince's snoring" Chris replied, distaste in his voice.

"Who?"They both let go of him now that the immediate danger was gone.

"The Red King. He's the King of Hearts lazy, no-good brother" Alex replied, hands on his hips.

"By marriage" Chris whispered in the blonde's ear, assuring him that Cena wasn't related by blood (so he must not hold any of good qualities.)

"Every family has one" Alex continued like the other didn't interrupt, bobbing his head as he drew out his next words "_Ex-cept_ ours."

"We've got two" they grinned, laughing lightly.

Chris started to walk toward the noise, turning around and crooking his finger at the blonde boy enticingly, "Come, Teddy. Let's have a look at him."

Alex nodded, making a big show of sneaking towards the doorway.

Ted watched them for a moment, then followed obediently. Together, they crept through the archway and across the remaining stone floor that was littered with roots and leaves. They stopped at a corner of the building, all three kind of peeking around the stone at the Red King.

The man was older than anyone he'd seen in this place. He had grey hair, a thick red crown was atop his head and askew enough to half cover his eyes. He was snoring much softer now, but strong enough to pull and push the branch above his head. He had on a crimson suit that was a lot like Matt's had been, only his was much more rumpled from sleeping on the ground. He had his head propped up on a pillow laying on a root, not exactly the most comfortable position. A red scepter was in his hands, fingers loose but still clutching at what was his.

"Isn't he a lovely sight?" Chris drawled sarcastically.

"Fit to snore his damn head off" Alex scoffed.

"And he would deserve it" it was a bitter statement from the copper haired man.

"I take it you guys aren't a fan?" Ted inquired innocently.

They growled in unison.

"He'll catch a cold lying on that grass, it's gotta be damp" Ted observed, nudging them both with his elbow "Someone should wake him up."

"What do think he's dreaming about, little boy?" Chris cooed into his ear, his arms curling around the blonde's waist. Ted flushed at the contact, trying to concentrate on observing the older man on the ground only ten feet from them.

"Who knows?" Ted shrugged.

"Why, he's dreaming about _you_!" Chris chuckled, shaking him a bit "And if you woke him up, what do you think would become of you?"

"Dreaming of…me?" Ted wasn't sure what this meant, maybe this was like what the White Queen had done with the stream and the King could see into the future "Then, if he woke up, I'd still be where I'm at. Here."

Alex tisked, shaking his head, "Nope. You'd be gone. _Out_-" he snapped his fingers "-like a candle."

"You're only a sort of thing in his dream."

The concept baffled Ted. He was already kind of emotional from realizing he was so far from home back with the White Queen, and now this? It kind of baffled the hell out of him. What if he was just a thing in the Red King's dream? His heart picked up a quicker beat as it often did when he was considering frightening possibilities. He could go out at any moment! …if this were real, of course.

"If I wasn't real, I shouldn't be able to contemplate the fact that I may not be real" Ted countered logically.

"Oh, don't be that way" Chris dug his chin into the blonde's shoulder, getting a little grunt of protest "We're all just sorts of things in his dreams. He dreams up all of this."

"Creative little git, isn't he?" Alex snorted, looking toward Vince.

Ted released a strangled little half-laugh, it was all a little ridiculous to believe for more than a minute.

"Ya know, it's been hundreds of years since someone came to Wonderland" Alex stated offhandedly, eyes still on the King.

"Really?" Ted calmed with the change of subject.

"Mm-hmm" Chris breathed in his ear "Even longer since someone left it."

Alex suddenly pulled his friend off the blonde, glaring at him as he poked him hard in the chest, "Stop it, Chrissy, you'll scare him!"

Chris pouted rather innocently, holding up his palms in surrender, "I wasn't trying to!"

Ted snickered as the copper haired man got chewed out by his slighter brunette counterpart. It was pretty damn amusing, but he could sense an overall affection there. It seemed almost everyone here had a mate, had someone to be with him and make sure they were never alone. It was kind of sad to him, but also something to inspire to.

Even the most fucked-up of people could find companionship.

"Don't listen to him, Ted" Alex tisked "If anyone can get out, it'd be you. You're the one everyone's been talking about."

"Me?" Ted echoed "Everyone's been talking about _me_?"

"Uh-huh" Chris nodded violently, his hair flittering around his eyes "You're the one who makes Cody smile."

Ted's ears burned at this, "I haven't been here very long-"

"It doesn't matter" Alex shrugged "News travels like quicksilver around here."

"You're the hottest thing since…well, us" Chris grinned cheekily.

The Red King snored rather loudly, making Ted wince. He made the connection rather suddenly, it caused him to gag a bit.

"Are the Red King and Red Queen…_married_?" Ted asked in disgust, he couldn't see a handsome man like Matt married to this old geezer.

The Tweedle Brats scoffed together, "No!"

"The King here _never_ wakes up" Alex assured him, gesturing the old coot "Ever. "

"So Matt, being the go-getting guy that he is, took the crown for himself" Chris continued, leaning on the brunette's shoulders.

"The White Queen as well" Alex gave a wicked smirk "Ya know, for himself."

"Why?" Ted couldn't help but ask, he was always really good with history.

"I think it was a turf thing" Chris rattled off "That flighty Chris had a big chunk of support, he ruled a lot of important places."

"I call shenanigans on that!" Alex jabbed his friend in the ribs, getting a gasp. He turned to Ted, his smile a lot softer.

"It was true love from the start" Alex insisted, ignoring the other's dramatic wheezes "And don't let anyone tell you differently. No one dotes on their love like Matt does to his Chrissy."

"Maybe except the King of Hearts to his Queen" Chris offered, the other nodding his consent.

"True."

"Not that the reason matters" Chris scoffed, glancing at the Red King "The Queen of Hearts took over the moment and he could and now it all belongs to him."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but I saw Matt earlier" Ted gestured vaguely "He seemed pretty…regal, and in charge."

"He's in the court, no doubt" Alex replied.

"Contrariwise, he doesn't rule like he used to" Chris clarified "He took a break, and Randy thought that was a good time to move in and take over. Now, Matt's more of a sur-queen. He'll never get back the crown-"

Alex cut in, "-not while Randy lives and breathes."

"Nohow" they shook their heads.

"So that's his crime?" Ted's brow creased as he tried to wrap his mind around that "He took a break?"

Chris shrugged, "Everyone needs a break."

"Except Randy" the brunette commented.

"I've seen" the blonde recalled Randy's temper, absently rubbing his neck "Maybe I should get out of here."

"Already?" Alex whined, following Ted as he started to walk way "But you just got here! We haven't seen anyone in forever!"

"No wonder, you're in the middle of the woods" Ted looked up towards the sky, sighing as they stepped through the archway and back onto the grass "You have any idea how to get out of here?"

As Alex began to explain some rather confusing directions to the blonde, Chris came out of half-room as well. He stretched a bit, sighing heavily.

"All's well that ends well" Chris dropped his arms, eye scanning the grass a bit. They fell upon an object laying discarded a bit away, his voice suddenly turning harsh as he pointed at it.

"What is _that_!?"

Alex tensed, clenching his eyes shut and whispering, "Oh shit, dude."

Chris stormed over, picking up an old looking wooden noise maker, "Is this _my_ rattle?!"

Alex dove behind a tree, Ted inched closer to get a better look at it, "It looks a little beat up."

"It's spoiled!" Chris whined, examining his toy carefully before shooting a cold glare at the tree that hid his best friend "You left it in the grass!"

Ted pulled a face, "Don't get so pissed about an old rattle."

"Old?!" Chris barked, Alex peeked out from behind the tree before hiding again "I bought it yesterday, it's brand-fucking new!"

He huffed, tossing the toy over his shoulder rather carelessly, "There's only one thing for it."

"Buy a new one?" Ted offered.

"No, no, no!" Chris waved him off, putting his hands on his hips "Nothing so simple. No, we have to fight" he puffed out his chest, trying to make himself appear bigger "For the honor of the Tweedles."

Ted gave him an apprehensive look, but didn't say anything against it.

Alex hesitated a moment before putting on his game face and strutting out, his game face on, "Right!"

"You don't _have_ to fight" Ted reasoned, but they didn't listen.

"Chris Tweedledum versus the superior strength and skill of Alex Tweedledee" Alex rolled his shoulders, a smirk appearing on his face "Frankly, it's a bit one-sided."

"Mmm" Chris groaned, rolling his eyes at his best friend's antics.

"I oughta know, I was an advisor for the British army" Alex gave a war cry, striking a karate pose "Wah!"

"I advised them not to take him" Chris muttered under his breath to the blonde "But they wouldn't listen."

"_This_ is fighting talk!" Alex drawled, pointing at the other. Chris stormed over to him, getting right in his face before growling gibberish. Ted laughed behind his hand at the display, noting how serious the two were.

"So was that!"

Alex put a hand in his friend's face to silence him, turning to look at , "He must help us dress for it."

//Oh gee, lucky me// Ted crinkled his nose, but they both seemed so enthusiastic that he just had to help them.

"Okay, fine" Ted through up his arms in defeat "Let's go find some…armor or something."

**xXx**

The three of them hunted about for things to use for armor, but Ted quickly realized the wood was full of grab-bag items. Pots, pans, barrels, rope, mattress springs, things of that sort. The Tweedle Brats deemed the stuff satisfactory and decided to try and use it all. The duty fell upon Ted to fashion up suitable gear for them out of this trash. So far, it had turned out rather…uh, _well_ wasn't the word for it.

Ted was by Chris's side, grunting and pulling a discarded strap tightly across the copper-haired man's chest. They'd found an old roast pan to buckle across his torso like a makeshift chest plate, the handle sticking out rather dangerously. They'd found some robes earlier that were thick like quilts, but they'd decided their clothes were fine enough.

They'd both proclaimed to be able to take a hit.

A bronzing coal tub of sorts was atop Chris's head, the handle of it snug under his chin. Lids strapped to his knees, seeming to curve just right over the vulnerable part of his limbs.

Alex passed by them, already suited for their battle. A trash can lid was strapped to his chest, a grill of sorts on his back. He had strips of metal latched onto his calves, acting as shin guards. A pot was atop his head, swirling a bit when he walked. He strode over to an old style standing coat rack, swiping the tie that had been hanging there.

"Whatever the outcome, dear heart, I shall remember you in my will!" Chris declared at the other's retreating back, smiling proudly "No money, of course. But I shall write, 'I remember you, Alex.' "

"I appreciate the thought" Alex roughly knotted the tie at the end of his pot handle, letting it hang there limp but secure "But I'd rather have the cash, Chrissy."

Chris gave a little 'umph' as Ted tightened up the straps around his waist, "Did I mention the light makes your eyes just _sparkle_, Lexy?"

The brunette shook head at him, hands on his hips, "Now don't start that! You got on me about your _stupid_ rattle! We're fighting!"

"If it's so stupid, why did you wanna play with it so bad?" Chris snarked, sticking his tongue out at his best friend. Alex could only shrug, looking away guiltily. The copper haired man nodded, glad that had been settled. He looked down to Ted, who was on his knees making sure the lids were held in place.

"Do I look pale?" Chris inquired.

Ted stood up, examining his face, "A bit."

"Generally, I'm brave" Chris assured him, bringing his hand up to touch his forehead dramatically "But today I've got the wrong end of a migraine."

Alex sneezed obscenely loud, covering his mouth and sniffling loudly.

Ted winced, "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh, oh yeah" Alex sniffed again, giving his best friend a 'take that' look "It's just…generally, I'm allergic to bullshit."

Chris snuffled and dropped his hand, his bluff called.

"Maybe you two shouldn't fight today" Ted offered, hoping they'd quit this whole thing.

"We have to have a bit of a fight" Chris replied, surprised that the blonde didn't want to watch their match "It's expected."

Alex nodded in agreement, adjusting his pot.

"And you're doing this over a rattle?" Ted couldn't help but ask, they seemed much too intelligent to be mad over something like this.

"I wouldn't of cared, but it was brand new!" Chris growled, his best friend rolling his eyes at the tone.

"It seems a little, ya know…_petty_" Ted pointed out.

"Yes, indeedy" Chris assured him, tone doing a one-eighty into a more pleasant sounding chime "That's _exactly _why it's so important."

"Enough talk!" Alex grabbed the coat rack, brandishing it like a staff. He gave a fierce war cry, startling Ted so badly he jumped. He quickly got out of the way, darting for the nearest tree. The two backed up a few more feet, snarls twisting their features. Chris picked up a net of sorts, thick but durable.

Without anymore than a primal scream to warn Ted, the two charged at each other full strength. They collided like children, shoving and pushing carelessly. There was no grace to their spat, just swinging arms and hands to try and get the other in the face. No dice, they were horribly off target. It was like watching two toddlers fight over an ice cream, but there was no treat for this little spat.

Ted stifled his snickers at the sight, but it was hard.

Chris threw Alex to the ground, snatching his friend's coat rack and using it as his own weapon. He brandished it like a spear, ready to claim his victory. He looked up, shooting a wink at Ted, but then looked past the blonde. The older man stared up at the sky in horror, eyes going round as saucers.

"It's the crow!" Chris bellowed, obviously shocked "The monstrous crow!"

Both Tweedles saw the dark clouds gathering quickly, rolling across the sky like they had a life of their own. Ted looked up, spotting it as well. He'd never seen anything like it, nothing as violent nor as astonishing. Chris scrambled to help the other up off the ground, copper hair falling in his eyes.

"Come on, 'Lex!"

Ted saw the older men make a run for it, their make-shift armor falling to the ground after him. They soon disappeared into the treeline, but he couldn't pay them too much attention.

He had his own butt to worry about.

Ted dashed the opposite direction, trying to physically outrun the storm. It was different here, these clouds seemed to be alive. He got off the path, cutting through the trees and brush in hopes of a get away. He kept glancing over his shoulder, panting harshly as his feet took him as fast as he could. It looked more like a dust storm billowing around the trees, debris mixed in. He was terrified of being caught up in it, he didn't dare find out if it was as dangerous as it looked.

Looking backward too long, Ted lost his footing and sprawled forward. He gave a muted cry, barely saving himself from a mouth full of dirt. The ground bit into his clothes and skin, ending up on his belly. He wiped his eyes on his forearm, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. He clawed away fallen leaves, sitting up on his knees. He noticed someone standing in front of him, two men.

Ted tilted his head up, seeing that the two men were clad in the traditional heart-adorned uniforms of Randy's court. They had staffs as well, crimson hoods pulled up over their heads.

"Theodore DiBiase" one of the cards spoke up "You are hereby and forthwith summoned to attend the trial of Sir Morrison, the Knave of Hearts."

One sound escaped Ted's bee-stung lips, "Huh?"


End file.
